Tuesday, April 26, 2016
"The Century Quilt" Sample Essays
Review the sample essays on "The Century Quilt" HERE. The top essay only earned a 7. Discuss what the author needed to do in order to earn a 9. Consider today's class discussion about organization, deconstruction, and purpose when analyzing and writing about poetry.
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I think the first thing to point out about this essay is that the opening paragraph and thesis are a little weak. Yes, they are straight and to the point about what this person was trying to convey, but I think if they used more complex sentence structure then it could have started off more successful. Another reason why I think this essay earned a 7 rather than a 9 was because they didn't go into detail about the examples they tried to use to argue their argument. I also think their use of the words "the reader" wasn't very successful, and didn't help to add complexity to the essay. I also think a few of their ideas were a little all over the place and weren't very organized which I also think lead them to earning a 7 rather than a 9. Overall this essay was obviously successful due to the fact that it earned a 7, but I think this essay could have easily earned a 9 if they would have taken examples from the text and backed it up with meaning and precise details.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the idea that the introduction is very lacking in nuance, especially the list-like thesis. Concision and clarity are important and generally achieved, but not in an exceptionally insightful manner. I also concur with the lack of depth at pints; in one particularly bad example, at one point the student simply states, "Each line break is carefully place" without any specification. Elaboration does occur at enough points to have a solid analysis.
DeleteThe main other flaw I note is that the organization is also pretty formulaic and not executed well. Each paragraph is very self-contained. The transitions are very rough; the second-third paragraph one even features a quotation.
Having said all these criticisms, the arguments are not wrong and correctly understand the poem. A 7 is thus a reasonable grade.
I agree that the examples present in this essay were only surface level. I think that was one of the major reasons that this essay received a seven instead of a nine. This essay had a lot of potential but their examples were not that specific and there was a lack of complex analysis that really separates the good essays from the great ones. Additionally as many people have said the thesis is lacking in complexity and the "so what" factor, which leaves the essay a bit weak. But the author does clearly demonstrate an understanding of the poem.
DeleteThis essay has the potential to be a 9, but it lacks a comprehensive analysis, proper quote integration, and the thesis requires strengthening. The conclusion presents some of the analysis and depth that the thesis lacks. It is not sufficient for the thesis to merely say, "The poet illustrates the meaning of the quilt", because this statement lacks a "so what" and fails to expand upon what that meaning is. In addition, the writer integrates some quotes well but other quotations are choppily inserted and somewhat cumbersome. I think this essay has all of the content and context to receive a 9, but it does not expand upon the meaning of the literary devices and does not present much of an opinion. The author talks about the poet's use of colors and finds good quotes, but he/she does not adequately explain what these descriptions mean or how they connect to the thesis. Perhaps this is because the thesis is too weak to be expanded upon. Nonetheless, the body paragraphs present their points well enough to earn a 7, but they do not sufficiently expand upon the significance of the literary devices.
ReplyDeleteI agree with what Jack said in regards to the fact that the quote integration is lacking. From what we have looked at, seamless transitions into and out of quotes are a necessity. Every response needs to flow smoothly, and this one seems a little choppy. If you are able to integrate short and relevant quotes into your own analysis, while still maintaining the "flow," your writing sounds a lot more mature and eloquent. This response is missing the transitions out of the quotes, as well as the "so what" of why they chose the specific quote to support their thesis. I also agree with Jack when he says that perhaps they are lacking a detailed explanation because "the thesis is too weak to be expanded upon."
DeleteI agree with Jack in the sense that there is a lack of in depth analysis that takes away from the essay. While the author addresses the whole text right away one gets the sense that this essay is going to lack in depth analysis as the thesis is very weak and only gives a roadmap for the essay. Furthermore, occasionally the quotes infringe upon the analysis overshadowing the good analysis and contributing very weak analysis. This essay is lacking the part to whole aspect that is very key to a complex analysis.
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ReplyDeleteI agree with this completely. I think the thesis has potential but it's very bland and like jack said, "so what?". I also think that the person who wrote this could improve upon their opening sentences, as they were boring and didn't sound very intelligent. I agree that they had all the necessary information and quotes but they didn't integrate them well and the analysis was very surface level at some points. I also think this essay would've been stronger if they talked about the end of the poem more, rather than just saying the speaker is content to die and ending the essay. I think that if this person had a stronger thesis to work with then they would've had an easier time writing the rest of the paper with better analysis.
ReplyDeleteOne thing the author could have done to elevate the thesis statement is state the meaning of the quilt in it. For example, he/she should have said "the poet illustrates the how meaningful the quilt is to her." The thesis also could have been improved if it was no so list-like. Though the author of the essay then continues to explain the meaning of the quilt, he/she does not go deep into the meaning. The author recognizes that waned "has an intense connection with the Century Quilt" but the essay would be better if he/she should have wrote about what that connection represents for the poet. Another way this essay could have been improved is if the form was not so rigid. The author uses one paragraph for form, one for imagery and one for tone, but I think it would have been better if the author employed a structure that had more flow.
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ReplyDeleteAlthough this essay was in the whole very successful, it definitely had the potential to receive a higher score. Other students have discussed that the opening paragraph of the essay is rather weak, however, I do not agree with this. Although the opening paragraph definitely was not a strength of the essay, it did the job of introducing the nature and mean of the poem, as well as the literary techniques that the author uses, so I don't think that this paragraph is the reason that the student received a 7. I think that where this essay lacked, was in the details. For example, the student discusses that the colors of the quilt represent family and love. Although this is true, the student could have looked further into the way that author used the colors of the quilt, perhaps to express painful family memories and cultural history.
ReplyDeleteI agree that the intro paragraph/thesis covers all the literary techniques that the essay goes on to mention, however, I think the thesis could still be more specific in regards to the meaning of the quilt.
DeleteI thought the organization of the essay as a whole could have been better. I agree with what others said about it being a little choppy. I think the fact that the thesis was very much like a list may have caused the student to write the essay almost like a list.
Aside from the organization and the topic paragraph, I think this did have some great examples and analysis. I think one of the stronger examples was: "she describes Meema's 'yellow sisters' and their grandfather's 'white family,' living in harmony and love, what the quilt has come to mean for her." I think this piece of analysis is very well thought out.
I agree that the intro paragraph/thesis covers all the literary techniques that the essay goes on to mention, however, I think the thesis could still be more specific in regards to the meaning of the quilt.
DeleteI thought the organization of the essay as a whole could have been better. I agree with what others said about it being a little choppy. I think the fact that the thesis was very much like a list may have caused the student to write the essay almost like a list.
Aside from the organization and the topic paragraph, I think this did have some great examples and analysis. I think one of the stronger examples was: "she describes Meema's 'yellow sisters' and their grandfather's 'white family,' living in harmony and love, what the quilt has come to mean for her." I think this piece of analysis is very well thought out.
The beginning of this essay was very simply written, it lack the complexity and depth that could have raised the essay to a 9. However it achieved a high a score as 7 because it was able to relay its message and answer the prompt clearly. It talked of vivid description, rhyme scheme, tone and meaning of the poem using quotes and analysis. Although again, if the analysis was clearer, it would've scored higher.
ReplyDeleteI agree that the analysis, though technically there, was definitely lacking. The writer introduces ideas that are too broad, in my opinion, and in uncertain terms. When the writer introduced the first paragraph they say, "The poem is written with no particular rhyme scheme, and no particular meter." I find the language that they use here to be too loose and informal to really capture a grader's attention. The way they've written this piece doesn't scream "9" language-wise.
DeleteHowever I do agree that the writer makes solid- enough points, and backs them up with solid- enough analysis to merit a 7.
The beginning of this essay was very simply written, it lack the complexity and depth that could have raised the essay to a 9. However it achieved a high a score as 7 because it was able to relay its message and answer the prompt clearly. It talked of vivid description, rhyme scheme, tone and meaning of the poem using quotes and analysis. Although again, if the analysis was clearer, it would've scored higher.
ReplyDeleteThe first thing I noticed about this essay was the vagueness of the thesis. This person introduces the devices they plan to use as evidence in the essay and say that these devices are used to “illustrate the meaning of the quilt.” Immediately I felt that the writer should have explicitly explained what the meaning of the quilt actually is in the introduction. The first body paragraph discusses how the specific line breaks are used in order to “evoke emotion in the reader.” Again, the writer of this essay is lacking decisiveness. He or she fails to describe what kind of emotion the author is attempting to evoke. The lack of sophistication of language and word choice in this essay also contributes to the overall score. The writer finally identifies the symbolic meaning of the quilt in the middle of the essay which leads me to feel that they’re organizational tactics are off.
ReplyDeleteI found the entire piece to be formulaic in nature. While the archetype they built off of was satisfactory (thus explaining the 7), it limited the author to writing a fragmented piece that struggled to cohesively address the text as a whole. Exempli gratia: overly generic statements such as "the authors intent of evoking emotion in the reader." By compartmentalizing their thinking process, the author ended up making meaningless blanket statements as opposed to easy analysis points. Another infuriating aspect was the seemingly intentional vagueness of the language. It was almost as if they were afraid of taking a stance. For heavens sake, take a stance! Either you get it or you don't!
ReplyDeleteI found the entire piece to be formulaic in nature. While the archetype they built off of was satisfactory (thus explaining the 7), it limited the author to writing a fragmented piece that struggled to cohesively address the text as a whole. Exempli gratia: overly generic statements such as "the authors intent of evoking emotion in the reader." By compartmentalizing their thinking process, the author ended up making meaningless blanket statements as opposed to easy analysis points. Another infuriating aspect was the seemingly intentional vagueness of the language. It was almost as if they were afraid of taking a stance. For heavens sake, take a stance! Either you get it or you don't!
ReplyDeleteThough this essay was predominately successful, it lacked the sophistication that would have allowed it to receive a higher score. First and foremost the thesis did not specify the deeper meaning of the quilt, but rather focused too much on the literary devices. In addition, the overall organization of the essay did not contribute to the score in a positive way. Because of the weaker thesis, the transitions within the essay were also weakened. The author did include insightful analysis and examples, however because of the structural mistakes the essay didn’t live up to its potential.
ReplyDeleteI think the introduction paragraph could have been a lot stronger. This adjustment would properly introduce the poem, and also begin to deconstruct the techniques used in the poem that the student will focus on. Some of the word choices are awkward, and the language does not flow throughout the piece. As always, there could have been a more resourceful integration of quotes. The three points the author mentions are valid: use of color imagery, a“reminiscent tone”, and lack of structure; however, the student did not do a successful job of reaching the true purpose of the poem. In order to score above a 7 I think the student needs to parallel the theme/purpose of the poem to the authors intended message of his work.
ReplyDeleteWhat perhaps restricted the student's writing is that she/he decided on separating the essay by literary devices rather than ideas. It seems as if she/he overlooked the idea of "future, past, and present" and how they played a role within the poem. Furthermore, the person does not really dig into what the quilt actually represents (although there is some of that insight shown later on in the essay with a sentence or two). Rather than focusing on the literary devices, although important, she/he should have also elaborated on the idea of time as well as the shift in tone from the first stanza to the second.
ReplyDeleteThe essay started off strong until the first quote was integrated by using “in:”. By stating specific pieces of the text and explaining what it means definitely does a good job at analyzing the text but does not connect it to a bigger meaning. This essay uses a lot of examples but states them in a way making the essay more of a summary rather than an in depth analysis. The ideas are basic, which could have be use if utilized well enough. However, the writer of this essay presents these ideas in a simplified manner as well. Moreover, the transitioning in this essay is choppy and almost random. To make this essay a 9, the writer should focus on fewer ideas and elaborate further, rather than just listing a bunch of simple ideas.
ReplyDeleteThe writer understood the story and supported his/her arguments. However, the essay is quite rigid. There seems to be an underdeveloped analysis that fails to show the depth of the poem. The writer should have let the essay flow a little more. Rather than being formulaic, the writer could have analyzed the poem by stanza, and explain all the devices in each paragraph.
ReplyDeleteThe writer understood the story and supported his/her arguments. However, the essay is quite rigid. There seems to be an underdeveloped analysis that fails to show the depth of the poem. The writer should have let the essay flow a little more. Rather than being formulaic, the writer could have analyzed the poem by stanza, and explain all the devices in each paragraph.
ReplyDeleteOverall, I thought that the essay way very good and definitely had the potential to earn a higher score. First, I thought that the opening paragraph could have had a more information for it seemed extremely basic. With a stronger thesis with a deeper meaning, the writer definitely would have earned a higher score. Likewise, I think that if they did more of a line by line analysis, the complexity of the author's thoughts would have grown and the depth of the essay would have skyrocketed. Another thing that I noticed was that not all of the sentences were properly worded and structured thus making it really hard to focus on the overall meaning of the essay.
ReplyDeleteThis essay is a 7 rather that a 9 for a variety of reasons, one of which being that it doesn't go into enough depth. I agree with many other people in that it is "surface level." The author's examples are more lists rather than analysis. I agree with Lizzie that the essay could go from a 7 to a 9 if he/she focused on fewer ideas however analyzed them further. Overall this is a great essay, but it lacks the refinement that a score 9 essay has.
ReplyDeleteRight off the bat, this essay does not display the sophistication of a nine. The thesis is vague and the opening paragraph is not structured in a way that prepares the reader for the overall essay. It gives the sense that the writer does not have a mastery of the content. The essay is comprised of various generalizations where the writer neglects to delve deeper into the point. I'm also not a fan of the structure used in the essay and find it someone scattered and ineffective. I would have structured it chronologically, starting with the past, then present, then future of the blanket. If this person wrote in a more refined and nuances manner, had a stronger thesis and more effective structure, this essay would be a 9.
ReplyDeleteThe essay seemed as though it was going to be extremely well written from the start. When I began to get deeper into the essay I was slightly disappointed by the quality of words that were chosen and the transitions used. I felt as though the writer simply stated things and could have easily gone deeper into the analysis of the quotes and points they chose to integrate into their paper. Overall the essay wasn't bad but it wasn't one of the top one essays I have encountered this year.
ReplyDeleteDon't forget another good way of simplifying your writing is using external resources (such as DigitalEssay.net ). This will definitely make your life more easier
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