Read the prompt and poem (Question 1) HERE. Discuss how you would approach writing the essay and what key lines/phrases/words along with devices and purpose you would include. Then construct a thesis statement that addresses the purpose of the poem as well as how the poet achieves that purpose through the devices you have noted.
NOTE: Be sure to use a modifier preceding each device in the thesis statement --Avoid simply listing devices in the thesis. For example, something like "Through tone, imagery, and sound devices" would be stronger if you wrote "With a sardonic tone, bellicose imagery, and cacophonous diction..." Then of course state the purpose (theme or intended effect) to complete the sentence.
Thesis : With the use of heavy diction, a sorrowful tone, and intense metaphors, it becomes evident that the narrator feels sorry for himself, as he has escaped his lover and can no longer look her in the face.
ReplyDeleteDiction
louring head so low
no delight
trap
trustless
mishap
deep deceit
grievous
- it's clear the narrator feels sorry for himself
Metaphor
"The mouse which once hath broken out of trap
Is seldom ’ticèd with the trustless bait"
The man is referring to himself as the mouse who has freed itself from the trap (the woman) - he is no longer enticed by the woman as she is just trestles bait
"The scorchèd fly, which once hath ’scaped the flame,
Will hardly come to play again with fire"
he is the fly who has learned that playing with fire is too dangerous (the woman)
- both flies and mice are small and weak creatures, so this is how the man must see himself
Through the metaphors and word choice, the speaker obviously feels badly for himself and the situation he is in.
I feel like the last two lines ("So that I wink or else hold down my head,/
Because your blazing eyes my bale have bred") must be important because they are in a couplet, but I can't really figure out what the speaker is trying to say?
Thesis: By using metaphors with a mouse and fly, cautious tone, and deep diction, the narrator expresses fear from love, as he has escaped the trap set by his former lover.
ReplyDeleteMetaphors:
"Mouse which once hath broken out of trap/ is seldom ticed with the trustless bait/ but lies aloof for fear of more mishap"
"The scorched fly which once hath scaped the flame/ will hardly come to play again with fire"
Narrator is the fly and mouse. Him falling in love is the trap and it has caused him great harm. He is now afraid to feel love again as he realizes the pain it brings.
Cautious tone:
"I learn that grevious is the game/ which follows fancy dazzled by desire"
"Hold down my head/ because your blazing eyes my bale have bred"
He notices the pain of desire and is now afraid of it. He is so cautious that he "holds down" his head.
Diction:
delight
range
gleam
broken
trap
enticed
trustless
aloof
fear
doubt
deciet
scorched
flame
grievous
dazzled
blazing
These words form a dark and fearful image. "Blazing eyes" can be taken as beautiful, but since the narrator is also the scorched fly, the blazing eyes are also a threat.
Thesis: By using metaphors with a mouse and fly, cautious tone, and deep diction, the narrator expresses fear from love, as he has escaped the trap set by his former lover.
ReplyDeleteMetaphors:
"Mouse which once hath broken out of trap/ is seldom ticed with the trustless bait/ but lies aloof for fear of more mishap"
"The scorched fly which once hath scaped the flame/ will hardly come to play again with fire"
Narrator is the fly and mouse. Him falling in love is the trap and it has caused him great harm. He is now afraid to feel love again as he realizes the pain it brings.
Cautious tone:
"I learn that grevious is the game/ which follows fancy dazzled by desire"
"Hold down my head/ because your blazing eyes my bale have bred"
He notices the pain of desire and is now afraid of it. He is so cautious that he "holds down" his head.
Diction:
delight
range
gleam
broken
trap
enticed
trustless
aloof
fear
doubt
deciet
scorched
flame
grievous
dazzled
blazing
These words form a dark and fearful image. "Blazing eyes" can be taken as beautiful, but since the narrator is also the scorched fly, the blazing eyes are also a threat.
Thesis: With a standard and understandable form, diction that creates a mournful tone, and deep images, English poet George Gascoigne emphasizes the speaker's complex attitude as he struggles to figuratively escape from the woman who betrayed him.
ReplyDeleteStandard form:
Shakespeare's sonnet
ABAB
Understandable and familiar structure shows that speaker is simply trying to get his point across in a recognizable way
Mournful Diction:
"louring head so low"
"trustless"
"deep deceit"
"grievous is the game"
These lines highlight the sorrow and betrayal that the speaker feels, creating an overall mournful tone and emphasizing that he feels bad for himself.
Deep imagery:
"Mouse which once hath broken out of trap is seldom ticed with the trustless bait but lies aloof for fear of more mishap"
"The scorched fly which once hath scaped the flame will hardly come to play again with fire"
- Both mice and fly are known to be unattractive and gross animals - highlights complex attitude because it is opposite to supposed emotional and sweet side of love
- Emphasize the bad side of love
- "is seldom ticed with the trustless bait but lies aloof for fear of more mishap" & "will hardly come to play again with fire" show that the speaker is fearful to get back into love after he has been so betrayed by the woman
Okay folks..yes, you are using adjectives before your devices but let's elevate the diction a bit. You all have a list of tone words you can access/use. Try not to oversimplify. Seems like we are grasping to list three devices at all times. It isn't essential that you list three devices as part of your thesis if it doesn't feel like the right thing to do. You can offer two broader devices and use more in the body of the essay as you deconstruct the poem. Also... moving forward on here for analysis just highlight a few lines and attach a purpose.
ReplyDeleteHere is a list similar to one I have seen in the past, it gives some alternate words to replace common adjectives with. If I find the other one that is a little bit more organized I will post that in this comment strand.
Deletehttp://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/18-common-words-that-you-should-replace-your-writing.html
http://larae.net/write/synonyms.html
DeleteThis one is very well done- it is well organized and gives many more common word replacements
Thesis: The poem’s combination of enticing form, fiery imagery, and powerful diction reveals the way the speaker copes with the burn of his past love, avoiding her face to prevent further pain.
ReplyDeleteThe enticing form is representative of the “dazzled desire” and “delight” in his past love that is hard to avoid.
-the use of alternate rhyme scheme
-structured shifts acting as stanzas, ordering his experience by: introducing his evasion from her, displaying the deception, and concluding his reasoning for his actions.
-he is able to show how easy it can be to be dazzled by desire if you do not “hold down your head”
The fiery imagery is representative of the burn and pain the speaker feels from love’s deception.
“The gleams on which your face do grow”
“Scorched”
“ ‘scaped the flame”
“Play again with fire”
“Blazing eyes”
The fire in these lines is not only revealing the burning pain the speaker feels, but also relates fire to the passion and intensity of love.
Because the fire is so dangerous one would “seldom” or “hardly” go back, but the passion/flames seem so captivating that it is evident the speaker is conflicted on whether he is thoroughly done with it.
The powerful diction demonstrates the harshness of the speaker's situation and feelings.
-alliteration:
-deep deceit: the sharpness of these two words demonstrate the speaker’s harsh feelings of betrayal
-grievous game: the speaker still views the situation as a game, which is usually playful, yet the use of grievous as its modifier reveals the complexity of his attitude.
-dazzled desire: these words are also sharp and harsh but rather than feelings of betrayal, the speaker seems to be more critical and harsh towards himself for being tricked.
-trustless bait: the use of bait depicts the author’s feelings of his own foolishness, yet the use of trustless as its modifier demonstrates he has learned.
Thesis: The poet uses traditional iambic sonnet format as well as metaphorically anthropomorphized animals and intentional diction to illustrate his emotional damage and tedious recovery from this trauma.
ReplyDeleteTraditional Format
ABAB CDCD rhyme scheme
-serves as some standard of regularity and consistency amidst the turmoil
Animal Metaphors
-"The mouse which once hath broken out of trap/Is seldom ’ticèd2 with the trustless bait"
-"The scorchèd fly which once hath ’scaped the flame/Will hardly come to play again with fire"
-Represent the poet's mistrust and inability to recovery from what he is gone through. He feels unable to return to his previous ways of life, just like the mouse and the fly.
Intentional Diction
-"seldom ’ticèd"
-"hardly come"
-" follows fancy dazzled by desire"
-"hold my louring head so low"
-The use of words such as "seldom" and "hardly" are intentionally finite and hopeful. They present the possibility for recovery as they suggest that from time to time, mice and flies may return to their normal lives. Despite this, the metaphors indicate that although this recovery is possible, it is uncommon and difficult. The speaker also reflects upon his own foolishness by talking about his "dazzled desire". Here he indicates that he is retrospectively aware of his mistakes. This awareness indicates a desire to recover.
Thesis:
ReplyDeleteBy contrasting vivid metaphor of passionate attraction with harsh language, the poet constructs a conflicted state of mind where the speaker tries to reject his experience yet remains drawn to his former lover.
First paragraph/topic: Continued emotions
-"strange" "no delight to range" => clear, also dislikes distance
-"the gleams on which your face do grow" => attraction, growing, (too) bright
-"scorched", "flame", "fire", "blazing eyes" => passion and pain
-"fancy dazzled by desire" => refers to light again
-"my bale have bred" => own sadness caused these exaggerated feelings
Second paragraph/topic: negative metaphors
-"trap" with "trustless bait" and "deep deceit" => challenges above, betrayal
Third paragraph/continued topic [could be merged, but target is different]: self deprecation
-"louring head so low", "wink of else hold down my head" => avoiding contact, but also shame
-"mouse", "fly" => self is small (vs. say bear in trap)
[It feels more natural to have the paragraph/topics switched, though it would probably require a reworking of the thesis. Also, the harshness should be more clearly shown to apply to both self and lover in the thesis.]
Oh oops should note more on form, etc. Would probably this additional information integrate into other paragraphs.
Delete-Title => sorta roundabout, denial of feelings, again sense of his actions and fault, onlu "upon" not captialized (avoidance?)
-Sonnet => 1st quatrain address, mouse in 2nd, fly and flame in 3rd, couplet marks shift that notes his personal pain more explicitly from seperation
With animalistic metaphors that liken his wild love to tormented creatures, powerful diction that creates a smoldering atmosphere and an overall melancholy tone, the author offers the mind of a conflicted lover, struggling to separate from his past and minimize his pain for the future.
ReplyDelete1st:
animal metaphors- "the scorched fly which once hath 'scaped the flame/will hardly come to play again with fire."
-emphasis on "scorched" and "play...with fire"
-"the mouse which once hath broken out of trap/is seldom 'ticked with the trustless bait."
-emphasis on "trap" and "trustless bait."
-death of insignificant animals parallels the way the speaker is feeling following the betrayal of his past lover. He highlights that rebounding from death is impossible-- similar to rebounding from this love of his.
2nd:
powerful diction (smoldering atmosphere- "fire" words)
-blazing eyes
-play…with fire
-flame ("escaped the flame")
-scorched
-gleam
-fear
etc.
-Fire is often associated with love, however the words associated with fire in this are not positive burning love words, they are negative aspects of a fire that are detrimental to the speakers attitude.
3rd:
melancholy tone:
-"grievous is the game"
-"trustless bait"
-"or else hold down my head"
-"deep deceit"
etc.
Thesis: Through the use of a mournful tone, powerful diction, and vivid animal metaphors, the poet creates a speaker who has discovered the grief that is caused by passion and love.
ReplyDelete1st: Mournful Tone
- "louring head"
- "Mine eyes take no delight"
- "trustless bait"
- "scorched fly"
- "more mishap"
- "deep deceit"
- these examples highlight the speaker's despair
2nd: Powerful diction
- "will hardly come to play again with fire"
- "is seldom 'ticed"
- "blazing eyes"
- "I learn that grievous is the game/Which follows fancy dazzled by desire"
- the diction and word choice definitely helps illustrate WHY the speaker is so desolate and how he is truly upset
3rd: Animal metaphors
- "the mouse which once...lies aloof for the fear of more mishap"
- "the scorched fly...will hardly come to play again with fire"
- "I...hold down my head/Because your blazing eyes my bale have bred"
- the metaphors of these animals who have suffered mirror the speaker's suffering => the final two lines show why the speaker is suffering
Thesis: Through the use of a mournful tone, powerful diction, and vivid animal metaphors, the poet creates a speaker who has discovered the grief that is caused by passion and love.
ReplyDelete1st: Mournful Tone
- "louring head"
- "Mine eyes take no delight"
- "trustless bait"
- "scorched fly"
- "more mishap"
- "deep deceit"
- these examples highlight the speaker's despair
2nd: Powerful diction
- "will hardly come to play again with fire"
- "is seldom 'ticed"
- "blazing eyes"
- "I learn that grievous is the game/Which follows fancy dazzled by desire"
- the diction and word choice definitely helps illustrate WHY the speaker is so desolate and how he is truly upset
3rd: Animal metaphors
- "the mouse which once...lies aloof for the fear of more mishap"
- "the scorched fly...will hardly come to play again with fire"
- "I...hold down my head/Because your blazing eyes my bale have bred"
- the metaphors of these animals who have suffered mirror the speaker's suffering => the final two lines show why the speaker is suffering
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThrough the use of burdening, melancholy imagery, a tone highlighting deceit, and an alternating rhyme scheme, the author illuminates the increasingly bitter and regretful attitude of the speaker towards a specific woman and how she ruined his ability to take risks regarding love.
ReplyDeleteMelancholy imagery: love is a conflict and a trap
“The mouse which once hath broken out of trap is seldom ticed with the trustless bait”
“Hold my louring head so low”
“Trustless bait”
“Scorched fly...will hardly come to play again with fire”
“Your blazing eyes my bale have bred”
Tone:
“Deep deceit”
“Trustless bait”
“Grievous is the game”
Rhyme scheme: Love is a vicious and unfortunate cycle- repeating rhyme scheme-no change
(every other line)
“Strange...range”
“Low...grow”
“Trap...mishap” etc.
Thesis:
ReplyDeleteThrough the use of haunting imagery, mournful diction, and a warning structure, Gasciogne constructs a sorrowful and precautionary tale about the true danger of love, and the agony of being toyed with.
Haunting Imagery:
“Your blazing eyes"
"grievous is the game"
"’scaped the flame"
Mournful Diction:
"trustless bait"
“Hold my louring head so low"
"dazzled by desire"
Precautionary structure:
"lies aloof for fear of more mishap,"
Make note of tone shift from mournful to warning, how the speaker vows to never let themselves be hurt again
Wrap up with a brief conclusion restating thesis, and explaining his general purpose (warning the reader to never take chances with a fickle lover)
Thesis: Through the use of powerful diction to create a mournful tone, intriguing form, and vivid animalistic metaphor, the conflict of a lover attempting to release his past while avoiding the anguish of the future, is revealed.
ReplyDelete1. Powerful diction/mournful tone
-blazing eyes
-scorched
-fear
-gleam
-“escaped the flame”
-contradicts the usual association between love and fire as it illustrates the detrimental nature of the element as well as the author’s emotions
-“grievous is the game”
-“trustless bait”
-“deep deceit”
2. Intriguing form
-rhyme scheme
-love is a cycle - repetition
-“low/grow”
-“trap/mishap”
-roundabout nature
-emotions go in circles
-denial, realization, cont.
3. Animalistic Metaphor
-“the mouse which once hath broken out of trap/ is seldom ‘ticked with the trustless bait”
-“trap” and “bait”
-death of animals parallels emotions
-dealing with death is similar to dealing with heartbreak
Thesis: In George Gascoigne’s “For That He Looked Not upon Her,” the use of standard form, sorrowful diction, and powerful imagery, creates a melancholic attitude as the narrator describes his unwillingness to look upon the face of the girl he once loved.
ReplyDeleteStandard Form:
Sonnet
ABAB
Iambic Pentameter
Purpose:
The rather structured and methodical form of the poem creates a feeling of thoughtfulness. Similarly to the way the the author systematically thought out each line to the poem, the narrator too thought out the nature of the love he shared with this girl. In the end the narrator realizes that the love was more of a trap than anything else.
Sorrowful Diction:
"louring head so low”
“Mine eyes take no delight”
“trustless"
“But lies aloof”
"deep deceit"
"grievous is the game”
“Blazing eyes my bale have bred”
Purpose:
It is clear that it was not an easy decision for the author to let go of his former lover. Through this sorrowful diction it is clear that although the narrator is better off without this woman, it is not to say that he is not upset without her.
Powerful Imagery:
Mouse- “The mouse which once hath broken out of trap
Is seldom ’ticèd2 with the trustless bait,
But lies aloof for fear of more mishap”
Fly-The scorchèd fly which once hath ’scaped the flame
10 Will hardly come to play again with fire
Purpose:
The author uses these references to animals to convey the harmful nature of the love that the narrator once shared with this girl. Although a mouse be attracted to a trap because of the bait, or a fly may be attracted to a flame because of the light, the love that the man shared with this women was in some ways intriguing, but in the end was harmful just like trap and the flame.
Gascoigne successfully includes dismal imagery of metaphorical animals, and insecure, mournful diction to portray the unfortunate trance of sorrow that the narrator suffers because of his past lover.
ReplyDeleteStructure of the poem-
ABAB rhyme scheme
Sonnet- 14 lines, couplet in last two lines
“So that I wink or else hold down my head, Because your blazing eyes my bale have bred.”
simple, boring rhyme scheme
portrays the continuous discomfort and misery of the man.
Hopeless, mournful tone-
“hold my louring head so low”
“mine eyes take no delight”
“lies aloof for fear of more mishap”
diction demonstrates the isolation the man feels and suggests his misery is self-imposed because of his lover.
Metahpors of animals-
“mouse which once hath broken out of trap”
“trustless bait”
“scorchèd fly which once hath ’scaped the flame”
“Will hardly come to play again with fire”
relates the helplessness of animals to his situation
metaphorically compares actions of the animals in order to express his sorrowful attitude and incapability of truly loving the woman mentioned
ReplyDeleteIn George Gascoigne’s “For That He Looked Not upon Her,” the speaker experiences heartache causes by his love interest. Through Gascoigne’s use of rhyme scheme which shows the speaker’s emotional state, word choice that displays his gloomy attitude and imagery that compares his feelings to other examples of betrayal, the reader can see that the speaker is experiencing betrayal.
Rhyme scheme
-ABAB
-poem clearly differentiated into three stanzas and three acts of betrayal
-simple
-effective
Word choice
-“hold my louring head so low”
-“scorchèd fly”
-“ feedeth still in doubt of deep deceit”
Imagery
--“the mouse is which once hath broken out of trap/ Is seldom ‘ticed with the trustless bait,”
-mouse and fly were too trusting/careless
Gascoigne successfully explains the complex feeling of a broken heart by including sorrowful connotations, unpleasant imagery of animals.
ReplyDeletephrases with sorrowful connotations:
deep deceit.
’ticèd with the trustless bait
mine eyes take no delight
unpleasant imagery:
hold my louring head so low
The mouse which once hath broken out of trap
scorchèd fly
Thesis: In George Gascoigne’s “For That He Looked Not upon Her," the melancholy tone and the complex images presented throughout the entire poem help to depict the sadness and frustration the man feels towards the women who betrayed him.
ReplyDeleteParagraph 1: Melancholy Tone
- "see me hold my louring head so low" (line 2)
- "still in doubt of deep deceit" (line 8)
- "grievous is the game" (line 11)
- "hold down my head" (line 13)
Paragraph 2: Complex Images
- "blazing eyes" (line 14)
- "gleams which on your face do grow" (line4)
- "scorched fly" (line 9)
Paragraph 3: Inner Struggle (frustration)
- "And that mine eyes take no delight to range" (line 2)
- "lies aloof" (line 7)
- "Will hardly come to play again with fire" (line 10)
Conclusion:
- wrap up thesis (restate)
- tie all points together with a solid quote
Thesis:
ReplyDeleteUsing dictation George Gascoigne creates a melancholy tone in his piece "For That He Looked Not Upon Her" and through this he usage of imagery and choice of other literary devices to depict the emotions of sadness experienced by the man in the poem.
Paragraph 1 Layout/Structure:
Set up in three stanzas each stanza is an act of betrayal that builds up
Add quotes from each piece
Paragraph 2 Tone:
"so low"
"hardly come to play again with fire"
"Escaped the flame"/Blazing eyes
"Grievous"
Paragraph 3 Imagery:
"Hold down my head"
"Dazzled by desire"
"Grievous in the game"
Conclusion:
Reinstate thesis with closing
Thesis: Through George Gascoigne's use of powerful diction, sardonic metaphors and his ability to craft a melancholy tone highlights the resentment and frustration felt by the man towards the woman who betrayed him.
ReplyDeleteParagraph 1:
see me hold my louring head so low"
“Mine eyes take no delight”
"scorched"
"flame"
"fire"
"blazing eyes"
Paragraph 2:
ABAB Rhyme scheme
"gleams which on your face do grow"
“lies aloof for fear of more mishap”
Paragraph 3: animal metaphors
“the mouse which once hath broken out of trap/ is seldom ‘ticked with the trustless bait”
"trap"
Conclusion:
Restate thesis