Evaluate the sample essays on The Rainbow. Try to guess the score before looking at the score report. Discuss the strengths and weaknesses of each paper.
Access the samples HERE
2A This essay is quite well written. I think all of the ideas are fully thought out, and the language accurately conveys these ideas. I think the author could have used more descriptive language, but seeing as this paper was written in a short period of time, I think that's excusable 8-9
2B I think the person writing this essay had a vague idea about what they wanted to write before starting, but did not think about all parts of the essay before continuing. I think the thesis is a bit different from what they end up writing in their body paragraphs. But even so, they didn't miss the point of the essay all together, and their language was simple, but mostly effective. 6-7
2C This essay was short and lacked great organization. Though the analysis in the essay wasn't bad (though it wasn't great either), the whole essay was so disorganized that I became distracted reading it. Nevertheless they did stay on topic and they writing style was not itself distracting! 5
I really liked the first essay. I thought it was well-thought out and well-executed. It has a strong thesis and supportive analysis. Quotes accompany each point made, which I think is very important. I also really liked that the author mentioned and explained the author's use of "anaphora" because I think very few students would have been able to pick up on that. I would give it an 8 or 9.
I think the second essay was also fairly good. I think the writer had some good ideas, but they were not executed very well. I don't think the writer focused enough on literally devices, which the entire prompt was about. The mention of "diction" and "details" is not enough to answer the prompt. I think if the writer had more mention of the literary devices he or she would have scored higher because it seemed like he or she was a fairly good writer. I would give the essay a 6.
This last essay was not well developed. First, the thesis does not address the prompt well. The analysis is not too bad, but the writer seems to contradict him or herself a few times in the analysis. There is no central argument or purpose that the writer relates back to throughout the story. I also had a hard time reading the handwriting, so it took away from the essay. I would give this essay a 4.
I think the first essay is a very strong example. The introduction provides sufficient background information and a thoughtful, specific thesis. In the body paragraphs, the essay has a lot of details, which helps show the contrasting images, rather than just telling us about them. There are a lot of strong quotes that help support the thesis. However, in the first body paragraph, I felt that the student writing the essay could’ve included more analysis in addition to the quotes. The rest of the essay was much more balanced and finished with a very strong conclusion that restated the thesis. Score: 8
The second essay was not bad, but there was no conclusion. The last body paragraph was the ending, but the essay definitely needed to be concluded in a different way. Also, this essay lacked strong transitional topic sentences. This had a negative effect on the overall flow of the essay. Lastly, this essay seemed to only analyze one device, but the prompt asked for multiple devices. Score: 6+
The third essay was not organized well at all and did not present a clear thesis. The entire paper did not specify and barely used any quotes. The few quotes used were pretty good, but there needed to be more of them. Also, there was not enough specific analysis of the quotes for this essay to answer the prompt. Lastly, there was no conclusion at all. The essay was left open-ended without a final word. Score: 5
This person put in a lot of thought in their essay. They had a very limited amount of time but still managed to do a lot and what they did was accurate and very well written. They used a good amount of quotes and seemed to have a full understanding of the story.
Second - 6
This person only uses one example of literary devices, but there are several used. They integrate their quotes in a good manner and use a good amount of them. There definitely is some analysts but it could be better. They kind of stay on the surface and I think there is more to the story then they seem to talk about. I think it’s a bit over the top and repetitive that this person has 3 paragraphs all about the same thing when there is much more to talk about.
Third - 5
Similarly to the second essay, this one only discusses one of the literary devices that Lawrence uses. I think this person had trouble organizing their thoughts, as it seems to be a little all over the place and go back and forth between ideas. I also feel as if this person had some sound analysis but for the majority of the essay it was very surface level and didn’t tell us much that is important. This person mentions repetition in their second paragraph and I feel as though they should have made it into its own paragraph and focussed on it more. I do not think this person fully understood the passage which restricted them from writing a well analyzed and thoughtful essay.
1. I think this essay is very well written especially given the short period of time that was given to write it. The ideas are adequately explained and supported with textual evidence. I think if there had been more time the author would have been able to make edits for more sophisticated language, etc. but other than that I would give it an 8 or 9
2. This author had a lot of potential for a great essay. His/her ideas were strong however I don’t think they were explained clearly enough. I also think he/she could have been more specific with which literary devices were employed by the author of the piece, and could have focused more acutely on the overall purpose of the excerpt. But, I think there is a lot of room for improvement and think the author does capture the answer to the prompt, even if not in the most successful fashion. I would give this essay a 7.
3. Unlike the other essays I found this essay to be disorganized and poorly written. I don’t think it was awful but in comparison to the others it lacked the depth and specificity that would have earned it a higher score. I would give this essay a 4 or 5.
Essay 1: 8+ This essay showed a sophisticated understanding of the text and had a well developed thesis. There was strong diction in the essay and a good command of the prompt. The essay uses quotes effectively to defend the thesis and prove that the writer completely understands the text. In addition, the essay is well organized and easy to follow. I did not give it a nine because it gets repetitive at times and could have a slightly more complex analysis.
Essay 2: 6-/6 The essay shows an understanding of the text required to respond to the prompt. It addresses literary devices and supports the thesis with some quotes and analysis. However, the writing was weak at times and the essay would present points without going into enough analysis to thoroughly defend them. The essay uses the text at times but again does not provide complex enough analysis to earn a higher score.
Essay 3: 4+ This essay shows a basic understanding of the text. The essay has a thesis that addresses the prompt but lacks complexity and is underwhelming. The essay is jumbled and brings up points that are not expanded upon. It is not terrible, but it is not good. It definitely does not deserve a score above a 5 because it shows nothing more than an ability to read and repeat simple ideas.
Essay#1- This essay is a strong portrayal of the excerpt. The writer has an obvious understanding of the text because they use so many specific examples that support the thesis. They have strong quotes and really "show not tell". You could tell that they can think quickly and effectively on the spot because their essay was very well put together and used very precise and strong language. The conclusion and introduction were both very strong. Score: 9
Essay#2- The essay was organized well up until the end where they omitted a conclusion. If there was a conclusion, then they would have scored higher. It would have been ver beneficial to wrap up their thoughts in a concluding paragraph. They do an okay job discussing literary devices because they only talk about one as opposed to the many that are in the text. The essay is pretty repetitive so it takes away from the overall effect of the thesis on the reader. Score: 6
Essay#3- This essay seemed very disorganized and poorly written and this took away from the overall wellness of the essay. There was some specificity but not enough to be considered sufficient.There was a basic understanding of the text but it was very surface-level. The essay did not have a lot of complexity to the ideas portrayed but it was not horrible either. They did an okay job. Score: 4
Essay 1: 8 The writer understands the story well and supports his/her thesis. It is well organized and goes deeply into all the literary elements.
Essay 2: 7 The writer understands the passage and focuses on the contrast of the man and woman well. Strong language but the organization could use some work.
Essay 3: 5 The writer often strays away from the prompt but does understand the passage. Strong language but not good organization. Can get a little vague and redundant.
#1. I thought this essay was very well done. It had excellent understanding of the piece, and the ideas were well developed. The thesis was very strong and I thought it represented the entire text very well. I also thought the essay was very fluid and did not have any awkward transitions. Along with all of this it had a great use of language and mechanics. score:9
#2. This essay by no means was bad, but it was not the best. The author proved they had a general idea of what was going on in the text, and their ideas were generally good. However I think the essay as a whole lacked development, and the ideas could have been explained further. I think as a whole the language was appropriate. Score: 6.
#3. Of the three essays I believe this would have scored the lowest. I thought the ideas were widely underdeveloped and the author did not fully understand the text. This essay could have been used as a rough draft, as it does have the beginnings of a strong paper, but it was in no way adequate for an exam. Score: 4.
#1: 9 This essay is successful because uses refined language and convincing evidence to support the thesis. The organization and structure of this essay are both well planned, creating fluid transitions between topics.
#2: 6 This essay could be improved if it used more sophisticated diction. At times the vocabulary grew repetitive, which detracted from the essay as a whole. Also, the analysis was too surface level at times and could have been expounded upon further. However, this essay is still strong in some respites in that the writer has a solid comprehension of the topic.
#3: 4 This essay's thesis is not strong enough, which ultimately takes away from its overall effectiveness right off the bat.The ideas that followed could have been supported with deeper analysis. This essay could be so much better if the arguments and thesis were developed further.
#1 This essay had a strong thesis, well developed ideas, and an organized, fluid flow. It didn’t have any grammatical errors, and overall it effectively elaborated on the thesis. Score- 9 #2 This essay was okay. The writer only talked about one literary device, and excluded a conclusion. The essay was also very repetitive. I thought the one literary device that was explained was explained well. It had good, basic ideas, but it just needed elaboration. Score- 6+ #3 This essay was very short, and disorganized. It only elaborated on one literary device, just like the 2nd essay. It showed a little understanding of the text, but again like the 2nd needed elaboration. Score- 4
#1: This essay gives good details and understanding of the story. The thesis is structured well and the essay connects with the text while explaining its literary elements. The organization, thesis, and analysis are all effective- 9.
#2: There is a lack of evidence for their thesis. There was only one focus which was good organization wise but did not give much understanding and mastery of the text. The writing was strong but the details need to be more extensive- 6.
#3: This essay deviates from the purpose and is very short. The writing is ok but seems somewhat repetitive and not effective. Though there was some understanding of the text, it often lacked details and extensive knowledge from the text. More analysis is needed and the purpose should be made more clear- 4.
Overall I think this essay is well organized and forms a clear and concise thesis. I think the ideas are carried very well throughout the paper, and it is rich in details and quotes. The writer uses strong vocabulary and proves to fully understand the text with adequate quote analysis. I would give this essay an 8-9.
This writer seems to understand the main topic of the paper, but does not use efficient evidence to explain the text. “Diction” and “switching the narration” are not the strongest examples to express the curiosity and confinement of the woman in the story. The whole essay is kind of all over the place and does not end with a strong conclusion. Because the evidence is less convincing I would give this a 5-6.
This essay does not have a very clear focus. It seems the evidence is a little stretched and also sort of vague. Overall I think the writing is not very sophisticated and the purpose is not clear. I would give this essay a 4.
I thought this essay was well organized and planned; paragraphs each had several points and examples that worked to prove the thesis and, in turn, showed that the writer had a deep understanding of the text. The thesis was clear and concise. The essay was made near perfect because of its elevated diction and depth of analysis. 9
This essay was good, but was lacking in a few areas. The vocabulary became distractingly repetitive at times and the evidence in support of the thesis was not very strong. Overall the author had a good understanding of the text, however I wish their analysis conveyed a deeper understanding of the text. 6-
This last essay was lacking a clear purpose. Good ideas were presented throughout, however there was little evidence used to support them; I often found myself stopping and thinking, "yes this is true, but prove it". The writer showed obvious understanding of the text superficially, but did not provide an essay that conveyed mastery of its significance. 4
2A- I really enjoyed this essay and believe it is quite well written. There is a solid organization that definitely seems well thought out and complete. The language is appropriate and satisfactory, but could be more descriptive. Quotes are relevant and are explained thoroughly (not dropped). Ideas were tied together nicely 8-9
2B- This essay has potential- it isn’t perfect by any means but is good. The author seems to have a general understanding, but wasn’t able to achieve the level of higher thinking needed to execute a high scoring essay. The entire prompt was about devices, and I think this writer could have used more, they never really answered the question. 5-6
2C- In length this is the least impressive. It lacked the organization 2A had, I found myself lost in the text having to re-read and attempt to understand. The actual analysis isn’t bad once you figure out what it is trying to get across, but it is just very straight forward and shallow. The thesis lacks depth and introspective thinking. This essay has potential but acts more as a “rough draft” than a final copy. 4
2A- If I were to score this essay I would give it a 7-8 because of the way it uses textual evidence and advanced language throughout the entire essay. The thesis statement clearly relates the ideas of the paper to the essay prompt all at once. Each statement that was made was backed by a sufficient amount of textual evidence while not over using quotes. Although it was clear the writer made a few errors but fixed them prior to the completion of the essay. Overall this essay was excellently written with textual evidence and advanced language but could improve on a few minor areas to boost the score.
2B- While reading this essay I wasn't as impressed with what I was reading as I was with the previous essay. Although there was a good demonstration of the main ideas of the story there were details that could have been added. I felt as though the thesis statement was lacking relation back to the prompt of the essay. I also felt as though the transitions used for each paragraph were beginner introductions that were lacking depth. Although the writer did use quotes some were extremely short and could have used more of an introduction prior and explanation following each one. Despite some of the issues in this essay it does still provide a general knowledge of the excerpt and correlates with the prompt. I would have to score this essay as a 5-6
2C- While reading this rather short essay I found myself trying to stay focused on each point the writer tried to make. Unlike the previous two essays this essay lacked details and quotes that could have potentially increased the success of this essay. There were many potential points that were made including the thesis but they lacked any sort of detail that would make them worthwhile. This essay should not have been submitted without major edits made to it. I would have to score this essay as a 3 simply because it is undeveloped.
(Maybe separating these essays so that they don't come in groups of threes in descending order of quality will do work to reduce unconscious grading).
Essay 1: The essay opens promisingly enough; the argument about contrast and imagery provides enough complexity to sustain itself, and there are clear ways contrast works for the topic. However, the following two paragraphs, although reasonable, are not as strong in this regard. How do rhetorical questions in particular help convey the meaning? 7
Essay 2: Overall, the essay uses the same idea of contrast efficiently. However, the language and overall impression the essay leaves is of a less complex manner. The clarity is enough for a reasonable grade, but nothing about it stands out to raise it to a higher level. 6
Essay 3: The argument is extremely unclear. Repetition and juxtaposition are referenced, but again the elaboration of them is disjoint and thus not very effective. Additionally, despite a bevy of distracting errors, there are no significant misreads, and there is still some answering of the prompt, so the essay cannot fall too low. 4
Essay 1: 7 This essay starts with a strong thesis, but later on the points seem more and more disconnected from it. The student does repeat him or herself a few times, but the diction is strong and the points for the most part support the thesis.
Essay 2: 5 This essay also had a decent thesis, but the language and style is less sophisticated, and the points seem fairly mundane and obvious. The student does not delve deep enough into the passage for a higher grade, but does the required amount by supporting their thesis.
Essay 3: 4 This essay starts off with a thesis which I would think is too specific to be applied to an entire essay. It is too short, because it does not have enough substance. Though the student attempts to interpret literary devices, he or she does not follow them through clearly with examples and analysis of the text. This essay could have been higher if it had included more analysis and connected the points better.
Essay-1 score:9 The first essay presented a well written thesis and argument. All the quotes and examples were analyized perfectly and the writing elevated this to a 9. The author clearly understood the story answered the question and showed a clear mastery of language.
Essay 2 score:6 I agree with the past comments on this essay. Mainly the lack of depth and specifity of text takes away from this essay.
Essay 3 score:3 Too short and the lack of depth and detail makes this essay a 3
Essay 1: Presents a sophisticated argument that is well supported by specific textual evidence and complex analysis that demonstrates that the author has a good grasp on the text as a whole. The effective organization and elevated diction raise this essay to a 9. Essay 2: This essay demonstrates an understanding of the text with accurate analysis, but the lack of specific details does not put it on the same level as the 9. I would give this essay a 7 Essay 3: It demonstrates some understanding of the text bu the lack of organization and clear details detracts from the essay. I would give this essay a 5/ 5-
Essay 2A: Like the others said, it was well-written and had a strong argument. However, the messy writing was distracting. The quotes as evidence to prove the points, and the analysis all put this essay over a 6. They definitely have a clear understanding of the story which they demonstrate throughout the essay. Also, given the short amount of time, its understandable why the language is not as descriptive as it could be. 7/8
Essay 2B: Right off the bat the first sentence is not strong, the syntax used is not enticing at all. But it does get better as it goes on. I would say the author has a clear understanding but they just need to develop their ideas more and have a higher level of analyzes. 6
Essay 2C: In their thesis, just saying "strongly pronounced" is not a clear enough explanation. Also by starting off their paragraphs with the words "first paragraph/second paragraph" instead of pinpointing actual events is a big no-no.3/4
Essay 2A— Score: 9 This essay was well organized, cohesive, and sophisticated. The author set the essay up very nicely with her insightful thesis statement, “Through the use of rhetorical questions, repetition, and abstracting imagery, Lawrence effectively demonstrates the woman’s novel concept of desire of understand the unknown and her underlying pursuit of liberation.” What made this essay stand out was the way that the author incorporated the literary devices in her piece— she did not simply list examples, but rather used them as a thread in her analysis throughout the piece. This essay was a great success.
Essay 2B—Score: 6 This essay is okay but its not great. The thesis statement, “Lawrence is able to develop this character in such a limited and short passage of his novel through the contrast diction and seamlessly switch the narration when comparing the men to the woman and when comparing the vicar to her husband,” does the job of setting up the essay, however it isn't incredibly insightful. The essay focuses on the contrast between the men and the women in the piece, but it verges on repetitive at certain points. This essay would have been much more successful with further analysis of the small details of the piece.
Essay 2B—Score: 4 This essay was not very successful. The thesis statement, “Lawrence uses an oder a juxtaposition of males and females to accentuate their differences. A repetition of certain words and phrases is also used by the author to further steps the roles assigned to the specific sexes further differentiating them from each other,” strays from the direction of the prompt, and ultimately leads to the failure of this essay. The analysis of the text is rather vague and fails to deal with the prompt. The thoughts of the essay are also unorganized. This essay could have received a higher score if the author had stayed on track with the prompt.
First: I think this may have been the best essay we have judged so far. The author clearly understood the piece and was consistent to the thesis throughout. If anything it may have seemed wordy at times, still the language was strong and descriptive. I especially think the writer did a good job integrating quotes effectively. 9.
Second: This essay could be better if the writer developed their thoughts more. It seems that they just stated facts and ideas without really analyzing them or connecting them to the purpose. Even the thesis does not seem to explain how these elements actually develop a character. Still, the writer seems to be able to grasp ideas and understand the text. 6.
Third: This essay is slightly confusing. The writer does not elaborate on the ideas presented and states these ideas with basic diction. The writer includes “in the first paragraph” and “in the second paragraph” in both topic sentences which is something that probably should be avoided. The writer has ideas, evidence, and seems to understand the text; but, the organization of this essay is lacking along with a conclusion. 4.
I would give the first essay a 9, as it is well organized and provides specific details while also providing detailed analysis. There is a strong thesis as well that is tied throughout the essay. The writer also highlights her/his knowledge of literary devices and not only lists them, but also writes about why they are used. I would give the second essay a 7 as it does do some analysis, but in comparison to the first essay, is not as detailed. Furthermore, there are not that many literary devices talked about throughout the piece and the thesis is not as strong. Lastly, I would give the last essay a 4. Reading it was a bit confusing as it was more disorganized than the prior two. It does not tie into the prompt as well as the other two, but there is still some analysis done.
2A
ReplyDeleteThis essay is quite well written. I think all of the ideas are fully thought out, and the language accurately conveys these ideas. I think the author could have used more descriptive language, but seeing as this paper was written in a short period of time, I think that's excusable
8-9
2B
I think the person writing this essay had a vague idea about what they wanted to write before starting, but did not think about all parts of the essay before continuing. I think the thesis is a bit different from what they end up writing in their body paragraphs. But even so, they didn't miss the point of the essay all together, and their language was simple, but mostly effective.
6-7
2C
This essay was short and lacked great organization. Though the analysis in the essay wasn't bad (though it wasn't great either), the whole essay was so disorganized that I became distracted reading it. Nevertheless they did stay on topic and they writing style was not itself distracting!
5
I really liked the first essay. I thought it was well-thought out and well-executed. It has a strong thesis and supportive analysis. Quotes accompany each point made, which I think is very important. I also really liked that the author mentioned and explained the author's use of "anaphora" because I think very few students would have been able to pick up on that. I would give it an 8 or 9.
ReplyDeleteI think the second essay was also fairly good. I think the writer had some good ideas, but they were not executed very well. I don't think the writer focused enough on literally devices, which the entire prompt was about. The mention of "diction" and "details" is not enough to answer the prompt. I think if the writer had more mention of the literary devices he or she would have scored higher because it seemed like he or she was a fairly good writer. I would give the essay a 6.
This last essay was not well developed. First, the thesis does not address the prompt well. The analysis is not too bad, but the writer seems to contradict him or herself a few times in the analysis. There is no central argument or purpose that the writer relates back to throughout the story. I also had a hard time reading the handwriting, so it took away from the essay. I would give this essay a 4.
I think the first essay is a very strong example. The introduction provides sufficient background information and a thoughtful, specific thesis. In the body paragraphs, the essay has a lot of details, which helps show the contrasting images, rather than just telling us about them. There are a lot of strong quotes that help support the thesis. However, in the first body paragraph, I felt that the student writing the essay could’ve included more analysis in addition to the quotes. The rest of the essay was much more balanced and finished with a very strong conclusion that restated the thesis. Score: 8
ReplyDeleteThe second essay was not bad, but there was no conclusion. The last body paragraph was the ending, but the essay definitely needed to be concluded in a different way. Also, this essay lacked strong transitional topic sentences. This had a negative effect on the overall flow of the essay. Lastly, this essay seemed to only analyze one device, but the prompt asked for multiple devices. Score: 6+
The third essay was not organized well at all and did not present a clear thesis. The entire paper did not specify and barely used any quotes. The few quotes used were pretty good, but there needed to be more of them. Also, there was not enough specific analysis of the quotes for this essay to answer the prompt. Lastly, there was no conclusion at all. The essay was left open-ended without a final word. Score: 5
First - 9
ReplyDeleteThis person put in a lot of thought in their essay. They had a very limited amount of time but still managed to do a lot and what they did was accurate and very well written. They used a good amount of quotes and seemed to have a full understanding of the story.
Second - 6
This person only uses one example of literary devices, but there are several used. They integrate their quotes in a good manner and use a good amount of them. There definitely is some analysts but it could be better. They kind of stay on the surface and I think there is more to the story then they seem to talk about. I think it’s a bit over the top and repetitive that this person has 3 paragraphs all about the same thing when there is much more to talk about.
Third - 5
Similarly to the second essay, this one only discusses one of the literary devices that Lawrence uses. I think this person had trouble organizing their thoughts, as it seems to be a little all over the place and go back and forth between ideas. I also feel as if this person had some sound analysis but for the majority of the essay it was very surface level and didn’t tell us much that is important. This person mentions repetition in their second paragraph and I feel as though they should have made it into its own paragraph and focussed on it more. I do not think this person fully understood the passage which restricted them from writing a well analyzed and thoughtful essay.
1. I think this essay is very well written especially given the short period of time that was given to write it. The ideas are adequately explained and supported with textual evidence. I think if there had been more time the author would have been able to make edits for more sophisticated language, etc. but other than that I would give it an 8 or 9
ReplyDelete2. This author had a lot of potential for a great essay. His/her ideas were strong however I don’t think they were explained clearly enough. I also think he/she could have been more specific with which literary devices were employed by the author of the piece, and could have focused more acutely on the overall purpose of the excerpt. But, I think there is a lot of room for improvement and think the author does capture the answer to the prompt, even if not in the most successful fashion. I would give this essay a 7.
3. Unlike the other essays I found this essay to be disorganized and poorly written. I don’t think it was awful but in comparison to the others it lacked the depth and specificity that would have earned it a higher score. I would give this essay a 4 or 5.
Essay 1: 8+
ReplyDeleteThis essay showed a sophisticated understanding of the text and had a well developed thesis. There was strong diction in the essay and a good command of the prompt. The essay uses quotes effectively to defend the thesis and prove that the writer completely understands the text. In addition, the essay is well organized and easy to follow. I did not give it a nine because it gets repetitive at times and could have a slightly more complex analysis.
Essay 2: 6-/6
The essay shows an understanding of the text required to respond to the prompt. It addresses literary devices and supports the thesis with some quotes and analysis. However, the writing was weak at times and the essay would present points without going into enough analysis to thoroughly defend them. The essay uses the text at times but again does not provide complex enough analysis to earn a higher score.
Essay 3: 4+
This essay shows a basic understanding of the text. The essay has a thesis that addresses the prompt but lacks complexity and is underwhelming. The essay is jumbled and brings up points that are not expanded upon. It is not terrible, but it is not good. It definitely does not deserve a score above a 5 because it shows nothing more than an ability to read and repeat simple ideas.
Essay#1- This essay is a strong portrayal of the excerpt. The writer has an obvious understanding of the text because they use so many specific examples that support the thesis. They have strong quotes and really "show not tell". You could tell that they can think quickly and effectively on the spot because their essay was very well put together and used very precise and strong language. The conclusion and introduction were both very strong. Score: 9
ReplyDeleteEssay#2- The essay was organized well up until the end where they omitted a conclusion. If there was a conclusion, then they would have scored higher. It would have been ver beneficial to wrap up their thoughts in a concluding paragraph. They do an okay job discussing literary devices because they only talk about one as opposed to the many that are in the text. The essay is pretty repetitive so it takes away from the overall effect of the thesis on the reader. Score: 6
Essay#3- This essay seemed very disorganized and poorly written and this took away from the overall wellness of the essay. There was some specificity but not enough to be considered sufficient.There was a basic understanding of the text but it was very surface-level. The essay did not have a lot of complexity to the ideas portrayed but it was not horrible either. They did an okay job. Score: 4
Essay 1: 8
ReplyDeleteThe writer understands the story well and supports his/her thesis. It is well organized and goes deeply into all the literary elements.
Essay 2: 7
The writer understands the passage and focuses on the contrast of the man and woman well. Strong language but the organization could use some work.
Essay 3: 5
The writer often strays away from the prompt but does understand the passage. Strong language but not good organization. Can get a little vague and redundant.
#1. I thought this essay was very well done. It had excellent understanding of the piece, and the ideas were well developed. The thesis was very strong and I thought it represented the entire text very well. I also thought the essay was very fluid and did not have any awkward transitions. Along with all of this it had a great use of language and mechanics. score:9
ReplyDelete#2. This essay by no means was bad, but it was not the best. The author proved they had a general idea of what was going on in the text, and their ideas were generally good. However I think the essay as a whole lacked development, and the ideas could have been explained further. I think as a whole the language was appropriate. Score: 6.
#3. Of the three essays I believe this would have scored the lowest. I thought the ideas were widely underdeveloped and the author did not fully understand the text. This essay could have been used as a rough draft, as it does have the beginnings of a strong paper, but it was in no way adequate for an exam. Score: 4.
#1: 9
ReplyDeleteThis essay is successful because uses refined language and convincing evidence to support the thesis. The organization and structure of this essay are both well planned, creating fluid transitions between topics.
#2: 6
This essay could be improved if it used more sophisticated diction. At times the vocabulary grew repetitive, which detracted from the essay as a whole. Also, the analysis was too surface level at times and could have been expounded upon further. However, this essay is still strong in some respites in that the writer has a solid comprehension of the topic.
#3: 4
This essay's thesis is not strong enough, which ultimately takes away from its overall effectiveness right off the bat.The ideas that followed could have been supported with deeper analysis. This essay could be so much better if the arguments and thesis were developed further.
#1 This essay had a strong thesis, well developed ideas, and an organized, fluid flow. It didn’t have any grammatical errors, and overall it effectively elaborated on the thesis. Score- 9
ReplyDelete#2 This essay was okay. The writer only talked about one literary device, and excluded a conclusion. The essay was also very repetitive. I thought the one literary device that was explained was explained well. It had good, basic ideas, but it just needed elaboration. Score- 6+
#3 This essay was very short, and disorganized. It only elaborated on one literary device, just like the 2nd essay. It showed a little understanding of the text, but again like the 2nd needed elaboration. Score- 4
#1:
ReplyDeleteThis essay gives good details and understanding of the story. The thesis is structured well and the essay connects with the text while explaining its literary elements. The organization, thesis, and analysis are all effective- 9.
#2:
There is a lack of evidence for their thesis. There was only one focus which was good organization wise but did not give much understanding and mastery of the text. The writing was strong but the details need to be more extensive- 6.
#3:
This essay deviates from the purpose and is very short. The writing is ok but seems somewhat repetitive and not effective. Though there was some understanding of the text, it often lacked details and extensive knowledge from the text. More analysis is needed and the purpose should be made more clear- 4.
Overall I think this essay is well organized and forms a clear and concise thesis. I think the ideas are carried very well throughout the paper, and it is rich in details and quotes. The writer uses strong vocabulary and proves to fully understand the text with adequate quote analysis. I would give this essay an 8-9.
ReplyDeleteThis writer seems to understand the main topic of the paper, but does not use efficient evidence to explain the text. “Diction” and “switching the narration” are not the strongest examples to express the curiosity and confinement of the woman in the story. The whole essay is kind of all over the place and does not end with a strong conclusion. Because the evidence is less convincing I would give this a 5-6.
This essay does not have a very clear focus. It seems the evidence is a little stretched and also sort of vague. Overall I think the writing is not very sophisticated and the purpose is not clear. I would give this essay a 4.
I thought this essay was well organized and planned; paragraphs each had several points and examples that worked to prove the thesis and, in turn, showed that the writer had a deep understanding of the text. The thesis was clear and concise. The essay was made near perfect because of its elevated diction and depth of analysis. 9
ReplyDeleteThis essay was good, but was lacking in a few areas. The vocabulary became distractingly repetitive at times and the evidence in support of the thesis was not very strong. Overall the author had a good understanding of the text, however I wish their analysis conveyed a deeper understanding of the text. 6-
This last essay was lacking a clear purpose. Good ideas were presented throughout, however there was little evidence used to support them; I often found myself stopping and thinking, "yes this is true, but prove it". The writer showed obvious understanding of the text superficially, but did not provide an essay that conveyed mastery of its significance. 4
2A- I really enjoyed this essay and believe it is quite well written. There is a solid organization that definitely seems well thought out and complete. The language is appropriate and satisfactory, but could be more descriptive. Quotes are relevant and are explained thoroughly (not dropped). Ideas were tied together nicely 8-9
ReplyDelete2B- This essay has potential- it isn’t perfect by any means but is good. The author seems to have a general understanding, but wasn’t able to achieve the level of higher thinking needed to execute a high scoring essay. The entire prompt was about devices, and I think this writer could have used more, they never really answered the question. 5-6
2C- In length this is the least impressive. It lacked the organization 2A had, I found myself lost in the text having to re-read and attempt to understand. The actual analysis isn’t bad once you figure out what it is trying to get across, but it is just very straight forward and shallow. The thesis lacks depth and introspective thinking. This essay has potential but acts more as a “rough draft” than a final copy. 4
2A- If I were to score this essay I would give it a 7-8 because of the way it uses textual evidence and advanced language throughout the entire essay. The thesis statement clearly relates the ideas of the paper to the essay prompt all at once. Each statement that was made was backed by a sufficient amount of textual evidence while not over using quotes. Although it was clear the writer made a few errors but fixed them prior to the completion of the essay. Overall this essay was excellently written with textual evidence and advanced language but could improve on a few minor areas to boost the score.
ReplyDelete2B- While reading this essay I wasn't as impressed with what I was reading as I was with the previous essay. Although there was a good demonstration of the main ideas of the story there were details that could have been added. I felt as though the thesis statement was lacking relation back to the prompt of the essay. I also felt as though the transitions used for each paragraph were beginner introductions that were lacking depth. Although the writer did use quotes some were extremely short and could have used more of an introduction prior and explanation following each one. Despite some of the issues in this essay it does still provide a general knowledge of the excerpt and correlates with the prompt. I would have to score this essay as a 5-6
2C- While reading this rather short essay I found myself trying to stay focused on each point the writer tried to make. Unlike the previous two essays this essay lacked details and quotes that could have potentially increased the success of this essay. There were many potential points that were made including the thesis but they lacked any sort of detail that would make them worthwhile. This essay should not have been submitted without major edits made to it. I would have to score this essay as a 3 simply because it is undeveloped.
(Maybe separating these essays so that they don't come in groups of threes in descending order of quality will do work to reduce unconscious grading).
ReplyDeleteEssay 1: The essay opens promisingly enough; the argument about contrast and imagery provides enough complexity to sustain itself, and there are clear ways contrast works for the topic. However, the following two paragraphs, although reasonable, are not as strong in this regard. How do rhetorical questions in particular help convey the meaning?
7
Essay 2: Overall, the essay uses the same idea of contrast efficiently. However, the language and overall impression the essay leaves is of a less complex manner. The clarity is enough for a reasonable grade, but nothing about it stands out to raise it to a higher level.
6
Essay 3: The argument is extremely unclear. Repetition and juxtaposition are referenced, but again the elaboration of them is disjoint and thus not very effective. Additionally, despite a bevy of distracting errors, there are no significant misreads, and there is still some answering of the prompt, so the essay cannot fall too low.
4
Essay 1: 7
ReplyDeleteThis essay starts with a strong thesis, but later on the points seem more and more disconnected from it. The student does repeat him or herself a few times, but the diction is strong and the points for the most part support the thesis.
Essay 2: 5
This essay also had a decent thesis, but the language and style is less sophisticated, and the points seem fairly mundane and obvious. The student does not delve deep enough into the passage for a higher grade, but does the required amount by supporting their thesis.
Essay 3: 4
This essay starts off with a thesis which I would think is too specific to be applied to an entire essay. It is too short, because it does not have enough substance. Though the student attempts to interpret literary devices, he or she does not follow them through clearly with examples and analysis of the text. This essay could have been higher if it had included more analysis and connected the points better.
Essay-1 score:9
ReplyDeleteThe first essay presented a well written thesis and argument. All the quotes and examples were analyized perfectly and the writing elevated this to a 9. The author clearly understood the story answered the question and showed a clear mastery of language.
Essay 2 score:6
I agree with the past comments on this essay. Mainly the lack of depth and specifity of text takes away from this essay.
Essay 3 score:3
Too short and the lack of depth and detail makes this essay a 3
Essay 1: Presents a sophisticated argument that is well supported by specific textual evidence and complex analysis that demonstrates that the author has a good grasp on the text as a whole. The effective organization and elevated diction raise this essay to a 9.
ReplyDeleteEssay 2: This essay demonstrates an understanding of the text with accurate analysis, but the lack of specific details does not put it on the same level as the 9. I would give this essay a 7
Essay 3: It demonstrates some understanding of the text bu the lack of organization and clear details detracts from the essay. I would give this essay a 5/ 5-
Essay 2A: Like the others said, it was well-written and had a strong argument. However, the messy writing was distracting. The quotes as evidence to prove the points, and the analysis all put this essay over a 6. They definitely have a clear understanding of the story which they demonstrate throughout the essay. Also, given the short amount of time, its understandable why the language is not as descriptive as it could be. 7/8
ReplyDeleteEssay 2B: Right off the bat the first sentence is not strong, the syntax used is not enticing at all. But it does get better as it goes on. I would say the author has a clear understanding but they just need to develop their ideas more and have a higher level of analyzes. 6
Essay 2C: In their thesis, just saying "strongly pronounced" is not a clear enough explanation. Also by starting off their paragraphs with the words "first paragraph/second paragraph" instead of pinpointing actual events is a big no-no.3/4
Essay 2A— Score: 9
ReplyDeleteThis essay was well organized, cohesive, and sophisticated. The author set the essay up very nicely with her insightful thesis statement, “Through the use of rhetorical questions, repetition, and abstracting imagery, Lawrence effectively demonstrates the woman’s novel concept of desire of understand the unknown and her underlying pursuit of liberation.” What made this essay stand out was the way that the author incorporated the literary devices in her piece— she did not simply list examples, but rather used them as a thread in her analysis throughout the piece. This essay was a great success.
Essay 2B—Score: 6
This essay is okay but its not great. The thesis statement, “Lawrence is able to develop this character in such a limited and short passage of his novel through the contrast diction and seamlessly switch the narration when comparing the men to the woman and when comparing the vicar to her husband,” does the job of setting up the essay, however it isn't incredibly insightful. The essay focuses on the contrast between the men and the women in the piece, but it verges on repetitive at certain points. This essay would have been much more successful with further analysis of the small details of the piece.
Essay 2B—Score: 4
This essay was not very successful. The thesis statement, “Lawrence uses an oder a juxtaposition of males and females to accentuate their differences. A repetition of certain words and phrases is also used by the author to further steps the roles assigned to the specific sexes further differentiating them from each other,” strays from the direction of the prompt, and ultimately leads to the failure of this essay. The analysis of the text is rather vague and fails to deal with the prompt. The thoughts of the essay are also unorganized. This essay could have received a higher score if the author had stayed on track with the prompt.
First:
ReplyDeleteI think this may have been the best essay we have judged so far. The author clearly understood the piece and was consistent to the thesis throughout. If anything it may have seemed wordy at times, still the language was strong and descriptive. I especially think the writer did a good job integrating quotes effectively. 9.
Second:
This essay could be better if the writer developed their thoughts more. It seems that they just stated facts and ideas without really analyzing them or connecting them to the purpose. Even the thesis does not seem to explain how these elements actually develop a character. Still, the writer seems to be able to grasp ideas and understand the text. 6.
Third:
This essay is slightly confusing. The writer does not elaborate on the ideas presented and states these ideas with basic diction. The writer includes “in the first paragraph” and “in the second paragraph” in both topic sentences which is something that probably should be avoided. The writer has ideas, evidence, and seems to understand the text; but, the organization of this essay is lacking along with a conclusion. 4.
I would give the first essay a 9, as it is well organized and provides specific details while also providing detailed analysis. There is a strong thesis as well that is tied throughout the essay. The writer also highlights her/his knowledge of literary devices and not only lists them, but also writes about why they are used.
ReplyDeleteI would give the second essay a 7 as it does do some analysis, but in comparison to the first essay, is not as detailed. Furthermore, there are not that many literary devices talked about throughout the piece and the thesis is not as strong. Lastly, I would give the last essay a 4. Reading it was a bit confusing as it was more disorganized than the prior two. It does not tie into the prompt as well as the other two, but there is still some analysis done.