First: 8 - Right from the introduction, you can tell this person has a complete understanding of the short story. They are extremely clear with what they are going to be talking about, and their main arguments are very strong. Something that this person does well is intertwine their quotes into the text. They do not just place them randomly, but they work them in to support what they are saying. They also address the whole text, not just certain parts. The person definitely summarizes parts of the story, but does not go overboard with a full out summary and no analysis. The analysis is very well written and said.
Second: 6+ - This person's introduction starts off well. They seem to know what they are talking about and have a decent understanding of the story. This student does a few things well. They talk about how Arun starts off awkward but becomes disgusted and confused with the American culture/ Patton's in general. They also touch upon how Mrs. Patton is very stuck in her own ways and can only see things her way. As the paper goes on, it gets a little shaky. Analysis weakness as they start to give less evidence.
Third: 4 - This person starts off on a bad foot. They make it sound as if Arun is captured and force to go to America to live with a host family, which is not true. I'm not sure that this person has a strong understanding of the text, from the start. They also do not mention Arun's name until the last sentence in the first paragraph, and refer to Arun as "he" or "him" instead. Their thesis says that Desai uses "speech and point of view" to explain Arun's experience which is correct, but the prompt says that Desai uses speech, so this person needs to be more specific. In the first paragraph this person says Arun disapproves of the beach, which is not true. They also do not frame their quotes well. Throughout the essay you can really just see that this person does not understand what they read. They interpreted things in a different way, which is okay, but they did not get them right. The analysis is very surface level and does not go deeper. They fail to touch upon the whole text, leaving out the interactions between Arun and his host family.
1. This essay has a strong topic sentence and a concise thesis. I thought the intro was well developed and proved that the student understood the text. The student used useful evidence from the text and has substantial analysis to support their claim. Overall, I thought that the student was able to address the whole text without merely summarizing the story. I think this essay deserves an 8+. 2. This student highlights some key points in the introduction, but it is slightly disorganized. The handwriting in this essay made it especially difficult to understand. Overall they are lacking quote analysis and strong examples from the text. It seems that the student may have been rushed because the end of the essay is very brief and does not completely express the main point of the essay. I would give this essay a 5+. 3. This writer only addressed the "narrative" and "diction" that the prompt specifically asks for. It lacks creativity and the main purpose of the text is unclear. It seems this person may have misinterpreted the story because it does not seem as though Arun was forced to live in America. The language throughout this essay is not advanced and the writer repeatedly uses the word "shows". The lack of vivid evidence puts this essay in the 4 range.
1. This essay is solid and does a good job of developing ideas and proving an understanding of the text. The essay has an advanced thesis and supporting evidence in its well organized body paragraphs. The essay is easy to follow and completely responds to the prompt by addressing the whole text. There are a very few grammatical errors although it is a bit hard to read due to the handwriting. At times the vocabulary use lacks complexity but this is not a significant criticism because the rest of the essay is quite good. The essay uses quotes effectively to support its thesis and the thesis is not lost in the paper's body paragraphs. Grade: 8
I did not like this essay. The handwriting was difficult to read, but I will separate the penmanship from my evaluation. The thesis lacked a "so what" and did not really prove anything significant. The essay shows an understanding of the text but fails to provide valuable analysis to support any of its claims. In many cases, the evidence is there in the paper, but the writer does not go into any depth explaining the significance of the evidence. The essay weakens and degrades as it progresses because it becomes more rushed and disorganized. The quotes are not well integrated into the essay and the conclusion is only a few lines. The essay is not terrible because it shows an understanding of the text and it uses the text to address the prompt. Grade: 5
This essay does not show an understanding of the text. The reader begins by explaining the situation but is largely mistaken and makes conclusions that cannot be made from the excerpt. The essay addresses the prompt by talking about point of view and diction. The writer describes diction as "the author's choice of words" and this mediocre writing is consistent throughout the essay. It is not completely terrible as it provides some evidence and addresses the prompt on a basic level. Nonetheless, the lack of understanding of the text merits no higher than a 5 on this essay. I think the other mistakes bring it down to a 4-
First - I think this is a very well written essay. The thesis is strong and the topic sentence to this essay is very strong as well. I think that they do not summarize the text but they are able to support their idea by addressing the entire text. I think that the actual language could be a little stronger. Grade: 8+
Second- I think that the core idea to this essay is successful but that the execution of the paper was not that strong. I do not think that the paper is cohesive. The successful aspect of this paper is that this person got the general idea of Arun’s emotions but had a hard time explaining it with a strong analysis. Grade: 5-
Third- Although the writer of this paper somewhat addresses the prompt, they go into no further detail about the text as a whole or have any sort of through strong analysis. They also seemed to completely misinterpret the meaning of the story and lack any originality. Also the language of this text is not strong and it does not seem like a strong AP paper with in depth meaning and analysis. Grade: 3+
This essay is a success because it is proficient in analysis and offers a complete thesis. These are the two most pertinent aspects of an effective essay. What limits the potential of scoring for this writer is their lack of sophisticated language/elevated writing styling. If the writer were to further refine this essay, it would surely reach a score closer to an eight or nine. Score: 7
This essay is twofold in that it boasts sophisticated vocabulary and style yet fails to drive any point home or even fully address the question. If more profound analysis were to be added to this essay, its scoring potential would be elevated significantly, as the writer clearly identifies some key evidence and aspects of the text that would serve as great proof for a complete thesis. The closing is also too abrupt, and there could be a heightened fluidity in between transitioning paragraphs. Because of these crucial flaws, the essay is deserving of a mediocre score. Score: 5+/6-
The first crucial downfall of this essay is its extremely weak thesis. This instantly sets the tone that the writer does not possess a firm enough grasp of the text to achieve a score higher than a five. The writer also notes that Arun is “confused” and “disapproving” on several occasions, which I personally disagree with because those assumptions are to extreme to draw from the text that was given. Score: 4
1. I thought the language of this essay was nice and concise. They had a good thesis and supported it pretty well with their following paragraphs. I think towards the end he/she gets a little caught up in the plot for a couple of sentences, but brings it right back at the end. 7 2. The essay of this language flows quite well, but the structure of the essay is a bit disorganized. He/she repeats his/herself on a few occasions, but overall the ideas are strong- just out of order and a little messy. 6 3. I think this person has some good ideas in the essay, but needs to expand upon them more, and provide better evidence. They have an acceptable amount of quotes, but need to analyze them deeper than they are. The writing style is pretty nice though, it has a good flow. 5
After seeing the scores of the essays, and looking at the descriptions of the essays, I think it is clear that College Board values in depth analysis and incredible insight. The thing that distinguished the higher and lower scoring essays was the authors examination of the text, and the way that the author used the text to support his/her idea. When writing my essays, I think that sometimes I use the text incorrectly— often times I summarize the text, working little analysis into the text. Seeing that the higher scoring essays used the details of the text strictly to back up their idea, I believe the AP grader would rather see the the text used as evidence to support an interesting concept, rather than a summary of the text with analysis.
1. The first essay was well developed and everything was supported. Like Owen mentioned, the text was used in a concise manner that supports the thesis effectively. The text was analyzed to its entirety and the writer understand it very well. Most people gave this person an 8, but I don't see any reason to not give a 9. 2. This essay is also well written, with a solid understanding of the text. The ideas were well organized. However, there wasn't a lot of textual evidence and it could've used more depth and development. 7 3. This essay doesn't analyze the text a whole lot. It mentions the devices without actually talking about them or analyzing how it affects the excerpt as a whole. There is some understanding of the text. 4
The first essay is very specific and thorough. It provides textual examples with clear analysis that prove the writer understood the passage. Right off the bat, this person provides a specific thesis in the introduction. Also, this person continues with three organized paragraphs, one for each literary device, which helps to clearly relate each point of analysis back to the thesis. In the conclusion paragraph, the writer does a good job of explaining the purpose of the passage and how it relates to real life. Score: 8 or 9 The second essay definitely starts out strong with a solid introduction. The first paragraph also has some well thought out analysis, but it only uses a few quotes from the passage. This is a consistent problem throughout the essay. I don’t think the person does not use enough specific quotes. Also, the writer does explain the main ideas of the passage, but does not seem to relate them to the outside world. Score: 6- The last essay is does touch on some good points, but there is really no textual evidence to support. This essay only uses a few quotes and barely analyzes. Also, the few ideas the essay does mention lack any follow up explanations. The essay does not cover the entire passage either, nor does it specify any connections to real world issues or ideas. Score: 4 or 5
1. This writer clearly has a good understanding of the text and formulates their thoughts in a well-developed manner. I think they utilize evidence from the text effectively in order to expand upon their strong thesis statement. I think the only area in which they could improve in is their level of vocabulary and sophisticated language of the essay. 8 2. Although the idea of this essay has potential, it was not executed strongly enough. The analysis does not provide enough evidence that the writer fully grasped the overall purpose of the story. While there are aspects of the essay hinting at a cohesive structure, the ideas are too scattered and vaguely discussed. 5 3. Of all the essays I think this was the weakest. Starting with the thesis the author does not demonstrate an understanding of the overall text or purpose of the story. The author does not accurately reference aspects of the story which are crucial to answering the prompt adequately, making the essay incorrect in content in addition to being unsophisticated in writing style and technique. 3-
Just as the evaluation stated, I thought the first essay had some really good analysis of and insight to the passage. It started off with a really strong and specific thesis and continued to be a well-written essay. The student not only talks about the diction, which the prompt asked of, but also touched on imagery, which I thought was an important and significant addition. The only problem was that the word choice needed to be elevated, making it clear that CollegeBoard values sophisticated language. The second essay was fairly good and had some strong point of analysis. However, as CollegeBoard notes, it started off stronger than it ended. This highlights that CollegeBoard looks at the entire essay, so the whole thing must be strong from beginning to end. The third essay really lacked in analysis. It was much weaker compared to the other two. The main problem is that it really doesn't properly address the prompt. College Board is clearly looking for essays that answer each and every part of the prompt and only add necessary additions.
Essay 1 (8): I believe the score is consistent with the essay's quality. The arguments are persuasive and well distributed: the student cites both details such as how the movement occurs "silently" or how summer is "eeh-zee" as well as broader aspects such as the "indifference" in tone. There are flaws that drag the essay down, most notably the acceptable but not outstanding vocabulary and the rather basic organization. Thus, the essay deservedly lacks the more "effective control of language" of 9s. Essay 2 (6): I feel this score is slightly harsh, but it does reveal key ideas about the scoring process. The talk of the monologue and other devices are done, but as the score report points out, evidence somewhat disappears. (Maybe the student had an issue with time?) I feel that the general quality of the essay is not too much worse than the first outside of this (although it is). Thus, it is clear that specificity of evidence is a key factor in these grades. (As a last note, some writing taboos annoyed me, particularly the use of the first person in a formal analytical essay). Essay 3 (4): I agree with this grade as well based on the scale. The graders' critique of sallow repetitiveness was accurate; the essay felt much like a summary at several points. The lack of evidence is even worse in this essay than in the second one, which clearly helped lower the score. The writing style itself is not that bad, which might explain why it is a rather than a 3, since CollegeBoard considers the "control [this word again] over the elements of composition." The last thing that I note is that in my opinion, this essay is further from the second essay than the first one is, so the scores certainly do not necessarily match one's "feel" for it.
1. The first essay was persuasive, and thorough. It could be improved in vocabulary and overall sophistication. The evidence used and concise manner effectively displays the authors purpose. 9. 2. This essay was not as well done as the first, but it has potential There needs to be more evidence used, and less repetition. There is a pretty good understanding of the text it just needs to be elaborated on. 6. 3. This is the weakest essay. There is neither enough evidence or analysis. The essay does have a relatively good flow to it. 4.
I agree that for the first essay, it was persuasive. However, the messy handwriting was very distracting for me. I also didn't like how the first topic sentence started with "in the first paragraph", that is never a good reference point. I did not think this essay was any more than an 8.
The second essay had poor word choice, just in the first paragraph words like "awkwardness" and "strong" take away from the overall dictation of the piece. I do feel like the author had a good understanding of the text, 6.
The last essay was very easily a 4, like Kate said, it had neither enough evidence or analysis.
I agree that for the first essay, it was persuasive. However, the messy handwriting was very distracting for me. I also didn't like how the first topic sentence started with "in the first paragraph", that is never a good reference point. I did not think this essay was any more than an 8.
The second essay had poor word choice, just in the first paragraph words like "awkwardness" and "strong" take away from the overall dictation of the piece. I do feel like the author had a good understanding of the text, 6.
The last essay was very easily a 4, like Kate said, it had neither enough evidence or analysis.
I thought the first essay was excellent. They captured the passage very well and carried the text from beginning to end. The mechanics were also well developed through the essay. 8
This essay had a strong potential with thesis but did not carry it through the entire text, or develop it to its ffull potential. The mechanics also could have used some work. 6
Compared to the other two this essay is sub par. The thesis was weak and the use of the text was not good. 3
1. (9) Concise, deliberate, and well structured, this essay could benefit from more potent wording, but the lack thereof does not diminish the strength of the analysis or the evidence. 8 2. (6) Overly repetitive, and wanting a tad in the analytical department. The mild understanding the author has of the text needs to be strengthened and demonstrated, perhaps through more quotes. 3. Lacks both conviction and analysis, but is decently structured. Extending the essay wouldn't hurt.
1. (9) Concise, deliberate, and well structured, this essay could benefit from more potent wording, but the lack thereof does not diminish the strength of the analysis or the evidence. 8 2. (6) Overly repetitive, and wanting a tad in the analytical department. The mild understanding the author has of the text needs to be strengthened and demonstrated, perhaps through more quotes. 3. Lacks both conviction and analysis, but is decently structured. Extending the essay wouldn't hurt.
1. This essay has a concise and specific thesis. The strength of ideas and evidence is consistent throughout the rest of the essay as well. This person also shows understanding of proper mechanics and displays advanced ability of analysis. Score: 8 2. This essay was decent, but it fails to effectively provide sufficient evidence throughout the entire work. It is also somewhat repetitive. The author needs to spend less time repeating and more time building in order to back up his or her thesis. The mechanics of this essay could also use some help. Score: 6 3. This essay needs a stronger thesis and more concise evidence. It lacks specificity and thorough analysis. Score: 4
1. 8 : I thought this essay was very well written. For starters the thesis was really good, which sets the essay up for being successful because all of the points are together and as a reader we can clearly see what this person is going to be talking about. The ability to apply the ideas that the prompt is asking for while making sure to include details to back up their response makes this essay receive a high grade. I also really liked how this essay followed a sequence of beginning to end, so the person covered the entire text which is always a good thing.
2. 5- : I thought this essay was decent. At times I thought it was really strong, like when they were telling us exactly how Arun was feeling, but then at the same time all of the evidence just wasn't there, and it wasn't clear either. I thought it was a little wordy, and just didn't make too much sense at some points. Overall I think this essay did okay, but I don't think it deserved anything over a 5 due to the fact that the textual evidence just wasn't there when it should have been, given the fact that they had the text right in front of them.
3. 4 : The last essay I think was just all over the place. For one it was fairly short, so if the essay is going to be that short the evidence better be all there, and I don't believe this person did that. The thesis is also lacking what it truly needs to be a thesis, which is to set up the essay and give the reader an idea of what the story is going to be about, and to overall answer what the prompt is asking. Another big mistake that this essay made was not covering the entire text, meaning as the reader we are only being told what this person is telling us, and some points are not entirely correct. Overall this essay wasn't very well written or structured.
First: I think the thesis of this essay is strong and definitely defines a purpose. Throughout each paragraph it is evident that the writer has a good understanding of the text. I liked the syntax of this essay, however the diction could be more complex. The analysis is good for the most part and the writer does not deviate much from her main idea. 8.
Second: The writer of this essay provides good evidence but could elaborate more. Still, it did not seem like a plot summary which was good. However, the ideas that the writer presented were not always coherent or organize. This essay could have been strong if the writer gathered their thoughts better. 6.
Third: This essay does not really prove it’s ideas well. It mentions the devices used but does not explain their use or purpose well. The thesis lacks content and is somewhat vague. 3.
I would give this essay a score of 7. It has a strong and clear thesis and the writer supports this throughout the essay. However, I also thought that the vocabulary could be more precise and that the analysis could be more complex. It seems a bit formulaic at times.
2.I would give this essay a score of 5. Though the student attempted to analyze, it was not complex or sophisticated enough. It did not appear to be organized either chronologically or by other means.
3.I would give this essay a score of 4. This essay is very short, and starts off with a very weak thesis and makes a minimal attempt to answer the prompt. It is also not complex or sophisticated, and shows no clear purpose or ideas.
The first essay is well written. The mechanics are accurate and word choice makes the arguments more sophisticated and persuasive. The thesis is strong and carried throughout the work, and evidence from the text adequately supports it creating a well-developed viewpoint that is clear and easy to understand. 8
The second essay starts out strong showing potential but as the text continues it becomes disorganized and lacking. There was not a developed analysis and the closing fell flat. It ended abruptly and failed to connect to an over-arching idea. 6
The third essay did not start off well. There is no evidence of higher-level thinking and the writer only addresses the “narrative” and “diction.” This essay doesn’t addresses the work as a whole and fails to accurately interpret the text. There is little to no proof of understanding. 3
The first essay was the most well written in comparison to the other two. There was a clear thesis and the writer was able to deconstruct the different parts of the story and analyze it thoroughly. Furthermore, the person elevated their diction and the sentences flowed nicely together. There is a clear understanding of the text, and overall the essay is well organized. I would give it an 8. I would give the second essay a 7. It does not flow as smoothly as the prior essay, and there is not enough analysis of the text. Although there is a sense of a thesis, the writer does not support it with enough evidence. Lastly, the third essay was the least well written. The thesis is extremely vague, and there is barely any analysis throughout the essay. There is barely any evidence to support their thesis, and it does not show the same level of understanding as the first two did.
1.This essay was very successful in the way that it gave off a very good first impression. The thesis was clear and well explained throughout the essay. The author did a great job of incorporating the discussion of many literary devices to further prove their thesis. The concluding paragraph was also very good because it broadened the topic of the paper by making connections between reality and the thesis. Score: 9
2. This essay had potential but was not executed in the best way. A lot of the time, the unscholarly wording of the essay distracted me from its purpose. I found myself focusing on the awkward words and why the author chose those words. However, the author had a good understanding of the text, an aspect important to College Board. For a higher score, there should have been more insight into the text and more details because the essay seemed like it was only hitting the purpose of the text at the surface level. Score: 6
3. Although this essay does include good ideas, there is a huge lack of textual evidence that is one of the most important aspects of an essay like this. Even though it mentions the devices used, there is little analyzation of how the excerpt is effected. The thesis is never really "proved" yet there is still some understanding of the text. Score: 4
I think that this essay did a good job of backing up their thesis. And I felt they did it in a complex and sophisticated manner. This student obviously had a good handle on the novel and effectively conveyed it. Score: 9
This student clearly knew a lot about the text, however the essay was poorly executed. I think that if they had used more precise diction and more specific examples to back up their arguments they could have scored a lot higher. Score: 6+
There is little analysis and the thesis is extremely vague. Additionally it is not very well written. There is a lot of room for improvement here. Score: 3
Essay 1-This essay seemed to be the best essay overall. It was well written and contained enough detail to prove that they had a clear understanding of the novel. They made a clear thesis in beginning and continued to weave the thesis through out the essay which helps to create a strong essay. Score: 8
Essay 2- This essay similarly to the first one demonstrated a clear understanding of the text. What differentiated the two essays was the construction of them. The first essay was set up in a way that flowed nicely. I found that the second essay seemed choppy and needed to be reorganized. Score:6+/7-
Essay 3: This essay was poorly executed and contained little evidence of a deeper understanding of the text. The prior two essays were more in depth and read more fluidly. The essay had very few ideas and most of them could have been interesting ideas if they were to be developed more in depth. Although this essay wasn't the worst of essays it certainly was not the best. Score: 3+/4-
First: 8 - Right from the introduction, you can tell this person has a complete understanding of the short story. They are extremely clear with what they are going to be talking about, and their main arguments are very strong. Something that this person does well is intertwine their quotes into the text. They do not just place them randomly, but they work them in to support what they are saying. They also address the whole text, not just certain parts. The person definitely summarizes parts of the story, but does not go overboard with a full out summary and no analysis. The analysis is very well written and said.
ReplyDeleteSecond: 6+ - This person's introduction starts off well. They seem to know what they are talking about and have a decent understanding of the story. This student does a few things well. They talk about how Arun starts off awkward but becomes disgusted and confused with the American culture/ Patton's in general. They also touch upon how Mrs. Patton is very stuck in her own ways and can only see things her way. As the paper goes on, it gets a little shaky. Analysis weakness as they start to give less evidence.
Third: 4 - This person starts off on a bad foot. They make it sound as if Arun is captured and force to go to America to live with a host family, which is not true. I'm not sure that this person has a strong understanding of the text, from the start. They also do not mention Arun's name until the last sentence in the first paragraph, and refer to Arun as "he" or "him" instead. Their thesis says that Desai uses "speech and point of view" to explain Arun's experience which is correct, but the prompt says that Desai uses speech, so this person needs to be more specific. In the first paragraph this person says Arun disapproves of the beach, which is not true. They also do not frame their quotes well. Throughout the essay you can really just see that this person does not understand what they read. They interpreted things in a different way, which is okay, but they did not get them right. The analysis is very surface level and does not go deeper. They fail to touch upon the whole text, leaving out the interactions between Arun and his host family.
1. This essay has a strong topic sentence and a concise thesis. I thought the intro was well developed and proved that the student understood the text. The student used useful evidence from the text and has substantial analysis to support their claim. Overall, I thought that the student was able to address the whole text without merely summarizing the story. I think this essay deserves an 8+.
ReplyDelete2. This student highlights some key points in the introduction, but it is slightly disorganized. The handwriting in this essay made it especially difficult to understand. Overall they are lacking quote analysis and strong examples from the text. It seems that the student may have been rushed because the end of the essay is very brief and does not completely express the main point of the essay. I would give this essay a 5+.
3. This writer only addressed the "narrative" and "diction" that the prompt specifically asks for. It lacks creativity and the main purpose of the text is unclear. It seems this person may have misinterpreted the story because it does not seem as though Arun was forced to live in America. The language throughout this essay is not advanced and the writer repeatedly uses the word "shows". The lack of vivid evidence puts this essay in the 4 range.
1. This essay is solid and does a good job of developing ideas and proving an understanding of the text. The essay has an advanced thesis and supporting evidence in its well organized body paragraphs. The essay is easy to follow and completely responds to the prompt by addressing the whole text. There are a very few grammatical errors although it is a bit hard to read due to the handwriting. At times the vocabulary use lacks complexity but this is not a significant criticism because the rest of the essay is quite good. The essay uses quotes effectively to support its thesis and the thesis is not lost in the paper's body paragraphs. Grade: 8
ReplyDeleteI did not like this essay. The handwriting was difficult to read, but I will separate the penmanship from my evaluation. The thesis lacked a "so what" and did not really prove anything significant. The essay shows an understanding of the text but fails to provide valuable analysis to support any of its claims. In many cases, the evidence is there in the paper, but the writer does not go into any depth explaining the significance of the evidence. The essay weakens and degrades as it progresses because it becomes more rushed and disorganized. The quotes are not well integrated into the essay and the conclusion is only a few lines. The essay is not terrible because it shows an understanding of the text and it uses the text to address the prompt. Grade: 5
This essay does not show an understanding of the text. The reader begins by explaining the situation but is largely mistaken and makes conclusions that cannot be made from the excerpt. The essay addresses the prompt by talking about point of view and diction. The writer describes diction as "the author's choice of words" and this mediocre writing is consistent throughout the essay. It is not completely terrible as it provides some evidence and addresses the prompt on a basic level. Nonetheless, the lack of understanding of the text merits no higher than a 5 on this essay. I think the other mistakes bring it down to a 4-
First - I think this is a very well written essay. The thesis is strong and the topic sentence to this essay is very strong as well. I think that they do not summarize the text but they are able to support their idea by addressing the entire text. I think that the actual language could be a little stronger.
ReplyDeleteGrade: 8+
Second- I think that the core idea to this essay is successful but that the execution of the paper was not that strong. I do not think that the paper is cohesive. The successful aspect of this paper is that this person got the general idea of Arun’s emotions but had a hard time explaining it with a strong analysis.
Grade: 5-
Third- Although the writer of this paper somewhat addresses the prompt, they go into no further detail about the text as a whole or have any sort of through strong analysis. They also seemed to completely misinterpret the meaning of the story and lack any originality. Also the language of this text is not strong and it does not seem like a strong AP paper with in depth meaning and analysis.
Grade: 3+
This essay is a success because it is proficient in analysis and offers a complete thesis. These are the two most pertinent aspects of an effective essay. What limits the potential of scoring for this writer is their lack of sophisticated language/elevated writing styling. If the writer were to further refine this essay, it would surely reach a score closer to an eight or nine. Score: 7
ReplyDeleteThis essay is twofold in that it boasts sophisticated vocabulary and style yet fails to drive any point home or even fully address the question. If more profound analysis were to be added to this essay, its scoring potential would be elevated significantly, as the writer clearly identifies some key evidence and aspects of the text that would serve as great proof for a complete thesis. The closing is also too abrupt, and there could be a heightened fluidity in between transitioning paragraphs. Because of these crucial flaws, the essay is deserving of a mediocre score. Score: 5+/6-
The first crucial downfall of this essay is its extremely weak thesis. This instantly sets the tone that the writer does not possess a firm enough grasp of the text to achieve a score higher than a five. The writer also notes that Arun is “confused” and “disapproving” on several occasions, which I personally disagree with because those assumptions are to extreme to draw from the text that was given. Score: 4
1. I thought the language of this essay was nice and concise. They had a good thesis and supported it pretty well with their following paragraphs. I think towards the end he/she gets a little caught up in the plot for a couple of sentences, but brings it right back at the end. 7
ReplyDelete2. The essay of this language flows quite well, but the structure of the essay is a bit disorganized. He/she repeats his/herself on a few occasions, but overall the ideas are strong- just out of order and a little messy. 6
3. I think this person has some good ideas in the essay, but needs to expand upon them more, and provide better evidence. They have an acceptable amount of quotes, but need to analyze them deeper than they are. The writing style is pretty nice though, it has a good flow. 5
After seeing the scores of the essays, and looking at the descriptions of the essays, I think it is clear that College Board values in depth analysis and incredible insight. The thing that distinguished the higher and lower scoring essays was the authors examination of the text, and the way that the author used the text to support his/her idea. When writing my essays, I think that sometimes I use the text incorrectly— often times I summarize the text, working little analysis into the text. Seeing that the higher scoring essays used the details of the text strictly to back up their idea, I believe the AP grader would rather see the the text used as evidence to support an interesting concept, rather than a summary of the text with analysis.
ReplyDelete1. The first essay was well developed and everything was supported. Like Owen mentioned, the text was used in a concise manner that supports the thesis effectively. The text was analyzed to its entirety and the writer understand it very well. Most people gave this person an 8, but I don't see any reason to not give a 9.
ReplyDelete2. This essay is also well written, with a solid understanding of the text. The ideas were well organized. However, there wasn't a lot of textual evidence and it could've used more depth and development. 7
3. This essay doesn't analyze the text a whole lot. It mentions the devices without actually talking about them or analyzing how it affects the excerpt as a whole. There is some understanding of the text. 4
The first essay is very specific and thorough. It provides textual examples with clear analysis that prove the writer understood the passage. Right off the bat, this person provides a specific thesis in the introduction. Also, this person continues with three organized paragraphs, one for each literary device, which helps to clearly relate each point of analysis back to the thesis. In the conclusion paragraph, the writer does a good job of explaining the purpose of the passage and how it relates to real life. Score: 8 or 9
ReplyDeleteThe second essay definitely starts out strong with a solid introduction. The first paragraph also has some well thought out analysis, but it only uses a few quotes from the passage. This is a consistent problem throughout the essay. I don’t think the person does not use enough specific quotes. Also, the writer does explain the main ideas of the passage, but does not seem to relate them to the outside world. Score: 6-
The last essay is does touch on some good points, but there is really no textual evidence to support. This essay only uses a few quotes and barely analyzes. Also, the few ideas the essay does mention lack any follow up explanations. The essay does not cover the entire passage either, nor does it specify any connections to real world issues or ideas. Score: 4 or 5
1. This writer clearly has a good understanding of the text and formulates their thoughts in a well-developed manner. I think they utilize evidence from the text effectively in order to expand upon their strong thesis statement. I think the only area in which they could improve in is their level of vocabulary and sophisticated language of the essay. 8
ReplyDelete2. Although the idea of this essay has potential, it was not executed strongly enough. The analysis does not provide enough evidence that the writer fully grasped the overall purpose of the story. While there are aspects of the essay hinting at a cohesive structure, the ideas are too scattered and vaguely discussed. 5
3. Of all the essays I think this was the weakest. Starting with the thesis the author does not demonstrate an understanding of the overall text or purpose of the story. The author does not accurately reference aspects of the story which are crucial to answering the prompt adequately, making the essay incorrect in content in addition to being unsophisticated in writing style and technique. 3-
Just as the evaluation stated, I thought the first essay had some really good analysis of and insight to the passage. It started off with a really strong and specific thesis and continued to be a well-written essay. The student not only talks about the diction, which the prompt asked of, but also touched on imagery, which I thought was an important and significant addition. The only problem was that the word choice needed to be elevated, making it clear that CollegeBoard values sophisticated language. The second essay was fairly good and had some strong point of analysis. However, as CollegeBoard notes, it started off stronger than it ended. This highlights that CollegeBoard looks at the entire essay, so the whole thing must be strong from beginning to end. The third essay really lacked in analysis. It was much weaker compared to the other two. The main problem is that it really doesn't properly address the prompt. College Board is clearly looking for essays that answer each and every part of the prompt and only add necessary additions.
ReplyDeleteEssay 1 (8): I believe the score is consistent with the essay's quality. The arguments are persuasive and well distributed: the student cites both details such as how the movement occurs "silently" or how summer is "eeh-zee" as well as broader aspects such as the "indifference" in tone. There are flaws that drag the essay down, most notably the acceptable but not outstanding vocabulary and the rather basic organization. Thus, the essay deservedly lacks the more "effective control of language" of 9s.
ReplyDeleteEssay 2 (6): I feel this score is slightly harsh, but it does reveal key ideas about the scoring process. The talk of the monologue and other devices are done, but as the score report points out, evidence somewhat disappears. (Maybe the student had an issue with time?) I feel that the general quality of the essay is not too much worse than the first outside of this (although it is). Thus, it is clear that specificity of evidence is a key factor in these grades. (As a last note, some writing taboos annoyed me, particularly the use of the first person in a formal analytical essay).
Essay 3 (4): I agree with this grade as well based on the scale. The graders' critique of sallow repetitiveness was accurate; the essay felt much like a summary at several points. The lack of evidence is even worse in this essay than in the second one, which clearly helped lower the score. The writing style itself is not that bad, which might explain why it is a rather than a 3, since CollegeBoard considers the "control [this word again] over the elements of composition." The last thing that I note is that in my opinion, this essay is further from the second essay than the first one is, so the scores certainly do not necessarily match one's "feel" for it.
1. The first essay was persuasive, and thorough. It could be improved in vocabulary and overall sophistication. The evidence used and concise manner effectively displays the authors purpose. 9.
ReplyDelete2. This essay was not as well done as the first, but it has potential There needs to be more evidence used, and less repetition. There is a pretty good understanding of the text it just needs to be elaborated on. 6.
3. This is the weakest essay. There is neither enough evidence or analysis. The essay does have a relatively good flow to it. 4.
I agree that for the first essay, it was persuasive. However, the messy handwriting was very distracting for me. I also didn't like how the first topic sentence started with "in the first paragraph", that is never a good reference point. I did not think this essay was any more than an 8.
DeleteThe second essay had poor word choice, just in the first paragraph words like "awkwardness" and "strong" take away from the overall dictation of the piece. I do feel like the author had a good understanding of the text, 6.
The last essay was very easily a 4, like Kate said, it had neither enough evidence or analysis.
I agree that for the first essay, it was persuasive. However, the messy handwriting was very distracting for me. I also didn't like how the first topic sentence started with "in the first paragraph", that is never a good reference point. I did not think this essay was any more than an 8.
DeleteThe second essay had poor word choice, just in the first paragraph words like "awkwardness" and "strong" take away from the overall dictation of the piece. I do feel like the author had a good understanding of the text, 6.
The last essay was very easily a 4, like Kate said, it had neither enough evidence or analysis.
I thought the first essay was excellent. They captured the passage very well and carried the text from beginning to end. The mechanics were also well developed through the essay. 8
ReplyDeleteThis essay had a strong potential with thesis but did not carry it through the entire text, or develop it to its ffull potential. The mechanics also could have used some work. 6
Compared to the other two this essay is sub par. The thesis was weak and the use of the text was not good. 3
1. (9) Concise, deliberate, and well structured, this essay could benefit from more potent wording, but the lack thereof does not diminish the strength of the analysis or the evidence. 8
ReplyDelete2. (6) Overly repetitive, and wanting a tad in the analytical department. The mild understanding the author has of the text needs to be strengthened and demonstrated, perhaps through more quotes.
3. Lacks both conviction and analysis, but is decently structured. Extending the essay wouldn't hurt.
1. (9) Concise, deliberate, and well structured, this essay could benefit from more potent wording, but the lack thereof does not diminish the strength of the analysis or the evidence. 8
ReplyDelete2. (6) Overly repetitive, and wanting a tad in the analytical department. The mild understanding the author has of the text needs to be strengthened and demonstrated, perhaps through more quotes.
3. Lacks both conviction and analysis, but is decently structured. Extending the essay wouldn't hurt.
1. This essay has a concise and specific thesis. The strength of ideas and evidence is consistent throughout the rest of the essay as well. This person also shows understanding of proper mechanics and displays advanced ability of analysis. Score: 8
ReplyDelete2. This essay was decent, but it fails to effectively provide sufficient evidence throughout the entire work. It is also somewhat repetitive. The author needs to spend less time repeating and more time building in order to back up his or her thesis. The mechanics of this essay could also use some help. Score: 6
3. This essay needs a stronger thesis and more concise evidence. It lacks specificity and thorough analysis. Score: 4
1. 8 : I thought this essay was very well written. For starters the thesis was really good, which sets the essay up for being successful because all of the points are together and as a reader we can clearly see what this person is going to be talking about. The ability to apply the ideas that the prompt is asking for while making sure to include details to back up their response makes this essay receive a high grade. I also really liked how this essay followed a sequence of beginning to end, so the person covered the entire text which is always a good thing.
ReplyDelete2. 5- : I thought this essay was decent. At times I thought it was really strong, like when they were telling us exactly how Arun was feeling, but then at the same time all of the evidence just wasn't there, and it wasn't clear either. I thought it was a little wordy, and just didn't make too much sense at some points. Overall I think this essay did okay, but I don't think it deserved anything over a 5 due to the fact that the textual evidence just wasn't there when it should have been, given the fact that they had the text right in front of them.
3. 4 : The last essay I think was just all over the place. For one it was fairly short, so if the essay is going to be that short the evidence better be all there, and I don't believe this person did that. The thesis is also lacking what it truly needs to be a thesis, which is to set up the essay and give the reader an idea of what the story is going to be about, and to overall answer what the prompt is asking. Another big mistake that this essay made was not covering the entire text, meaning as the reader we are only being told what this person is telling us, and some points are not entirely correct. Overall this essay wasn't very well written or structured.
First:
ReplyDeleteI think the thesis of this essay is strong and definitely defines a purpose. Throughout each paragraph it is evident that the writer has a good understanding of the text. I liked the syntax of this essay, however the diction could be more complex. The analysis is good for the most part and the writer does not deviate much from her main idea. 8.
Second:
The writer of this essay provides good evidence but could elaborate more. Still, it did not seem like a plot summary which was good. However, the ideas that the writer presented were not always coherent or organize. This essay could have been strong if the writer gathered their thoughts better. 6.
Third:
This essay does not really prove it’s ideas well. It mentions the devices used but does not explain their use or purpose well. The thesis lacks content and is somewhat vague. 3.
ReplyDeleteI would give this essay a score of 7. It has a strong and clear thesis and the writer supports this throughout the essay. However, I also thought that the vocabulary could be more precise and that the analysis could be more complex. It seems a bit formulaic at times.
2.I would give this essay a score of 5. Though the student attempted to analyze, it was not complex or sophisticated enough. It did not appear to be organized either chronologically or by other means.
3.I would give this essay a score of 4. This essay is very short, and starts off with a very weak thesis and makes a minimal attempt to answer the prompt. It is also not complex or sophisticated, and shows no clear purpose or ideas.
The first essay is well written. The mechanics are accurate and word choice makes the arguments more sophisticated and persuasive. The thesis is strong and carried throughout the work, and evidence from the text adequately supports it creating a well-developed viewpoint that is clear and easy to understand. 8
ReplyDeleteThe second essay starts out strong showing potential but as the text continues it becomes disorganized and lacking. There was not a developed analysis and the closing fell flat. It ended abruptly and failed to connect to an over-arching idea. 6
The third essay did not start off well. There is no evidence of higher-level thinking and the writer only addresses the “narrative” and “diction.” This essay doesn’t addresses the work as a whole and fails to accurately interpret the text. There is little to no proof of understanding. 3
The first essay was the most well written in comparison to the other two. There was a clear thesis and the writer was able to deconstruct the different parts of the story and analyze it thoroughly. Furthermore, the person elevated their diction and the sentences flowed nicely together. There is a clear understanding of the text, and overall the essay is well organized. I would give it an 8.
ReplyDeleteI would give the second essay a 7. It does not flow as smoothly as the prior essay, and there is not enough analysis of the text. Although there is a sense of a thesis, the writer does not support it with enough evidence.
Lastly, the third essay was the least well written. The thesis is extremely vague, and there is barely any analysis throughout the essay. There is barely any evidence to support their thesis, and it does not show the same level of understanding as the first two did.
1.This essay was very successful in the way that it gave off a very good first impression. The thesis was clear and well explained throughout the essay. The author did a great job of incorporating the discussion of many literary devices to further prove their thesis. The concluding paragraph was also very good because it broadened the topic of the paper by making connections between reality and the thesis. Score: 9
ReplyDelete2. This essay had potential but was not executed in the best way. A lot of the time, the unscholarly wording of the essay distracted me from its purpose. I found myself focusing on the awkward words and why the author chose those words. However, the author had a good understanding of the text, an aspect important to College Board. For a higher score, there should have been more insight into the text and more details because the essay seemed like it was only hitting the purpose of the text at the surface level. Score: 6
3. Although this essay does include good ideas, there is a huge lack of textual evidence that is one of the most important aspects of an essay like this. Even though it mentions the devices used, there is little analyzation of how the excerpt is effected. The thesis is never really "proved" yet there is still some understanding of the text. Score: 4
I think that this essay did a good job of backing up their thesis. And I felt they did it in a complex and sophisticated manner. This student obviously had a good handle on the novel and effectively conveyed it. Score: 9
ReplyDeleteThis student clearly knew a lot about the text, however the essay was poorly executed. I think that if they had used more precise diction and more specific examples to back up their arguments they could have scored a lot higher. Score: 6+
There is little analysis and the thesis is extremely vague. Additionally it is not very well written. There is a lot of room for improvement here. Score: 3
Essay 1-This essay seemed to be the best essay overall. It was well written and contained enough detail to prove that they had a clear understanding of the novel. They made a clear thesis in beginning and continued to weave the thesis through out the essay which helps to create a strong essay. Score: 8
ReplyDeleteEssay 2- This essay similarly to the first one demonstrated a clear understanding of the text. What differentiated the two essays was the construction of them. The first essay was set up in a way that flowed nicely. I found that the second essay seemed choppy and needed to be reorganized. Score:6+/7-
Essay 3: This essay was poorly executed and contained little evidence of a deeper understanding of the text. The prior two essays were more in depth and read more fluidly. The essay had very few ideas and most of them could have been interesting ideas if they were to be developed more in depth. Although this essay wasn't the worst of essays it certainly was not the best. Score: 3+/4-