Monday, December 21, 2015
Boland's "It's a Woman's World" Sample Essays
HERE you will find four sample essays from the 1998 poetry prompt on "It's a Woman's World" by Irish female poet Eavan Boland. Evaluate at least 2 of the 4 samples (S, L, C, O) using the rubric on the last page of the .pdf found HERE. Assign a score from 1-9, and explain (using the rubric and evidence from the essay) why it earned that score.
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L
ReplyDeleteI would score this around a 5 or maybe a 6. I do believe the author, like the paper states, is unhappy. I think the thesis could use some work and maybe the person writing this paper could have specified better how the author feels. I also think that the paper, though highlighting important parts like there being very little change, was very basic. It didn’t dig deeper. There were very few quotes used and the analysis was not in depth or anything that was not very obvious. I realize they didn’t have much time to write this and that the poem is not a simple one to understand fully the first time reading it, but I think this response could have been a lot better.
C
The first thing I noticed was that in this thesis the writer talks about how the author “paints a picture” by using “imagery, historic allusions, and reposition.” This is all true, and though the prompt asks “how” the poem reveals the speaker’s complex, this person doesn’t state what the speaker’s complex is really. I do think it’s important that the person who wrote this included the part about “domestic imagery” because it’s a huge part of the poem, but this person does not ever come out and exactly say what the speaker means by this. This person definitely uses a good amount of quotes and integrates them well but I think the paper could use some work. I would probably score this around a 5.
S
ReplyDeleteGrade: 8
This essay is overall quite good. It shows an obvious understanding of the poem and presents a view and analysis that is fairly deep and requires a good comprehension of the text. Initially, I worried that the point presented was going to contradict what I thought the poem was trying to say. However, the writer defended his/her point by addressing the whole text using multiple quotes. Each quote has a strong context and analysis and the essay has good diction. At times the essay’s voice is passive and this degrades the strong points that are made. I cannot completely get past the thesis that the poem highlights the strength of women because I interpreted the opposite. That makes me question the writer’s understanding of the poem’s message. It is very possible that the interpretation is completely valid and mine is incorrect.
L
Grade: 4-
This essay showed a very basic understanding of the poem and not much more. It lacked complex syntax, diction, and analysis. The thesis (and the essay as a whole) is simple and not really at an AP level. I give it a 4- because I think it shows enough of an understanding to get by, but not much more than that. There are very few quotes, and the existing quotes lack the requisite analysis to enhance the essay or solidify the thesis. The essay seemed very rushed as it talks about “the imagery in the poem” without giving any examples of the poem’s imagery. Some of the points that are made could be expanded upon to create a decent essay, but simply stating what the author is trying to say without providing and examples or analysis merits a grade no higher than a 4.
L
ReplyDeleteGrade 4
While this essay states and backs up a complete thought, I agree with Jack when he says this essay is not complex. I'd imagine this was the last essay the person wrote on the exam, because it is short, and seems so rushed. The analysis is also quite simple. For example, when this person is talking about the quote, "since the wheel first whetted a knife" they simply translate the quote saying it,"basically means since the beginning of civilization." The author doesn't say anything more about the quote, however, I believe a better essay would go into more depth explaining the quote.
O
Grade: 8
This essay contains far more complex ideas than essay L. It also addresses the prompt far better than the first essay because it mentions and explains specific poetic devices. The quotes the author of this essay are more poignant and better explained. The analysis throughout the whole essay is far more explicit and in depth as well.
Essay S
ReplyDeleteScore: 8
The author of this essay is very clear about the stance he/she took on the prompt. The intro is very strong. It specifies the speaker’s opinion on what this “woman’s world” really is and how the poet, Boland, is able to convey this opinion. The ideas of the essay are organized, however, I think it would be more organized and easier on the eye if the really long paragraph was split up into shorter ones. (That’s just my personal preference). The essay includes thorough analysis of examples from the whole poem to further support the thesis. I also would prefer that the author of this essay split up the last paragraph so that the conclusion would be separate from the last part of analysis. Besides the organization issues, this is a very strong essay that uses significant examples and good vocabulary.
Essay L
Score: 3/4
The intro to this essay is very short and lacks specificity. It doesn’t explain HOW the author conveys her message. In the first body paragraph, there is only one quotation used. I think the author of this essay definitely needs to include more specific evidence to prove his/her point. In fact, there are only two quotes in the entire essay, which is not enough at all to show true evidence and support. The last paragraph does touch on how the poet conveys her message, but it is very unspecific still.
L
ReplyDeleteI would give this essay a 6. I think the overall tone and voice of the author reflect an unhappy feeling however I think the writer of the essay does not capture the unhappiness of the author in entirety. While the thesis is definitely present it is not as strong nor sophisticated as a higher scored essay would be. The evidence and detail included was fairly surface level and though it demonstrated basic understanding of the text it certainly did not contain the depth nor cohesiveness of an exceptionally crafted essay.
O
I would give this essay an 8. This essay addresses and answers the prompt very well. It evaluates specific textual evidence and mentions elements of poetry and poetic writing to expand on the ideas presented. The writing and analysis is sophisticated and well-organized.
L: 3
ReplyDeleteI did not think this essay was very good. I thought it merely scraped the surface of the poem and did not go very in depth. The analysis was very brief, and there could have been a lot more detail. This essay needed more detail, a stronger thesis, and a more organized layout.
S: 9
I thought this was an excellent essay. It was well organized with a very clear argument. I thought the analysis was well organized and the author seemed to have a very strong grasp on what they were writing about. This essay was much better in comparison to L.
S: 9
ReplyDeleteThe strength of this essay is evident in just the first few sentences of the introductory paragraph. The writing immediately struck me as clear and sophisticated. From that moment, I knew the author knew what they were talking about. In citing essential words from the poem, the author shows a clear ability in obtaining supporting evidence to support their objective. Furthermore, their objective/thesis was consistent and meaningful.
L: 3/4
Though the introductory paragraph/sentence made sense, it was more of a summary of the poem rather than an analysis. The author seems to understand the poem, but does not further develop their analysis in a sophisticated way. Their argument gets stronger towards the end of the essay, where they begin to reflect on the authors shifts in tone and expression. Still, their purpose is not very clear due to their lack of organization.
S9
ReplyDeleteThis writer showed his/her writing ability and understanding of the text immediately. The syntax and diction were both what I consider sophisticated. I found the thesis pretty original and the writer did a great job of proving their point. There was really good examples and analysis.
L4
The main fallback of this essay was its lack of analysis. It felt more like a summary of the poem because it did not have the structure or clear purpose to go a deep as it needed to.
C: 5
ReplyDeleteEssay C should be a 5 because the author understood the surface level interpretations of the poem. Points out the contrast of imagery between cash register and stars. The student also picks up on how women's lives remained unchanged during the evolution of society. However, this person could've developed a much deeper interpretation by analyzing the rhyme schemes and the entire text. One thing that could be looked into deeper is the belief that women are only good for making bread, which is also the essential of life.
O: 8
Really does a good job analyzing the text. Makes profound statements and uses supporting evidence really well. I feel like the build up could have been a little better. It's more cohesive if the paragraph on irony comes before the paragraph on imagery.
S - 9
ReplyDeleteI thought this essay was really well written. The first thing that I noticed, even before fully reading the essay was the advanced language the the writer used--it really does make a huge difference. The writer continued to show a strong, developed understanding and interpretation of the poem and organized his or her thoughts very well. (And honestly, I think it also helped that the essay was typed because it made it much easier to read and follow).
L - 4
I did not think this essay was very good, especially compared to S. The writer gave very little analysis of the poem and that which he/she did give did not show a very deep understanding of the poem. The essay lacks in understanding anything further than the summary/main idea of the poem.
S: 8
ReplyDeleteThis essay was overall very well organized and specific. It was clear that the writer had a deeper understanding of the poem and was able to analyze certain aspects with sophisticated thinking. He or she also addressed the entire piece and used very specific examples and strong quotes to support his or her argument. Stylistically, this essay was smooth in transitions and organized regarding paragraph breaks. This person also displayed an advanced vocabulary strong voice. The evidence used throughout this essay was clear and directly supported the thesis.
L:4
The first thing that I noticed about this essay was its lack of not only quotes, but also analysis. The writer used less than three quotes to support his or her argument and his or her analysis was extremely vague and basic. The writer failed to dig deeper into the poem and remained surface level by talking about women's stereotypes. This essay was also extremely brief and seemed somewhat rushed. The writer did not address the whole poem and the essay could have been more organized.
S - 9
ReplyDeleteThere was a clear thesis and the essay not only referred back to the thesis, but also provided specific and strong evidence to support the writer's thesis. Furthermore, the writer shows that she/he understood the poem and showed her/his ability to provide a deeper analysis rather than stating surface level observations. Overall, the essay is well organized and flows well.
L - 3
There is only a surface level understanding of the poem. Furthermore, there is not as much analysis and very little evidence to support her/his thesis. In addition. it does not refer to the poem as a whole.
O- I would give this essay a 7/8. It has elements of an 8 essay and elements of a 7. I believe it is an essay written with clarity and sophistication, however I believe the organization could have been more carefully planned out. If they were to spend more time on this, reorganizing some paragraphs and sentence structure would make this essay closer to an 8 than a 7. Where it is well-supported by quotes, at some points I feel there are too many quotes. Too many quotes isn't a bad thing, I just want to see more of this writers own thoughts because what they have as a 'first draft' is very good. Typing would improve quality.
ReplyDeleteL- I would give this a 5. I give the author credit because they made an honest attempt, but as many people have stated in previous comments, it is very basic. The analysis is lacking, and there is an extreme need for evidence suggesting that the author might have been rushed. They mention some of the main ideas, but fail to explain further.
L- I would grade this essay as a 4. Basically, the evidence and analysis is insufficient. I think that the syntax/diction is okay (it is worded well), but there needs to be more elaboration on the poem as a whole.
ReplyDeleteO- I would grade this essay as an 8. The author elaborates well on the poem as a whole, and the evidence is complete. The essay is well-organized and cohesive. It could have been worded in a more sophisticated manner, but overall it is a great essay.
Essay: S
ReplyDeleteScore: 9
Reasoning: It is clear that the author of this essay has a rich understanding of the poem. The author tackles the complex nature of the poet’s conception of a woman's world, focusing on the fact that women are stuck in a role, but also that women hold a certain power. The author really dug deep and read in between the lines in order to develop such an interesting insight into the poem. Ultimately, this essay was so successful because of the authors comprehension of the poem as was as her ability to articulate this idea to the reader.
Essay: L
Score: 4
Reasoning: It is clear that the author of this essay lacks a complete understanding of the poem. As a result, this essay is rather superficial. The author states in his thesis that the author of the poem expresses an “unhappiness” towards a woman’s world. The author fails to dig deeper into the complexity of the authors feeling towards the topic. In this end this essay fell short because the student did not dig deep enough.
S - 8
ReplyDeleteI thought that overall this essay is very well organizing and does a good job at addressing the entire poem. The introduction is particularly strong and the essay progresses it gets weaker. The analysis and specific examples that are addressed within the paper are very strong. Also, the syntax is very good throughout the entire paper. It was a very well put together essay.
L - 5
I personally thought that this essay was not as strong as the others because it lacked thorough analysis. This person did not really dig deep inside the poem or fully comprehend it. That being said, the essay is still somewhat cohesively written. Only the main points and summery of the poem are addressed and it lacks strong vocabulary. This essay is a good start, but needs a lot of work.
S
ReplyDeleteEven from the opening paragraph it is clear this student is familiar with a high level of vocabulary and sentence structure. Overall the essay demonstrates exceptional syntax and diction. I thought the quotes were used properly and were accompanied with adequate analysis. The significant amount of quotes helps the writers argument, as well as shows their ability to draw examples from the text. This essay was very well done and I believe it deserves a 9.
L
The intro for this paper is not strong. It does not use any examples from the poem, and does not provide a strong thesis to alert the reader what the paper is going to about. The student does not seem to have a sufficient understanding of the text. There is little quote usage, including analysis, and at some points it seems like a summarization. I don't think this essay is developed well enough to earn over a 5. It also lacks strong language and syntax throughout. I would give this essay a 3/4.
S-7+
ReplyDeleteThis essay was well organized and clearly demonstrates a well understanding of the poem. It uses one central point throughout the essay and defends that point. I also think this essay uses good language and usage of stylistic characters. I believe that this essay is the best of the two.
L-5+
I thought this essay was also well written. It is not as in depth as the other essay but with a little work it would make this essay considerably better. I wasn't sure if the person simply did not develop their ideas or they did not completely understand the poem. Overall this essay was just okay and showed basic understanding of the poem.
L-3
ReplyDeleteThis essay thesis needs a lot of work it fails to engage with the text on any level and sets the paper up for failure. The following writing and conclusion aren't much better and once again fail go interpret any of the text.
S-8
Mainly I can hear hear voice coming out through this essay because of its specifity and district intrepration. Also something to note is that this essay brings something new to the conversation and atequedtly proves his or her reasoning.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteS
ReplyDeleteThis essay was very good. For starters, the author had an extremely strong stand on their thoughts regarding the poem. It was very well organized and I was easily able to understand their thesis and supporting statements. At the same time, their literal writing was of high caliber and the analysis was sophisticated. Score- 9
L
This essay had an extremely short introduction and lacked strength. Even though the essay is central around a complete thesis, the depth of the analyzation and the supporting elements was extremely low. It seemed as though the author had a very basic understanding of the poem. Overall, the essay gave of a rushed vibe and was incapable of expanding on a high skill level. Score- 3
S - This essay was well written. They were able to organize their thoughts in an effective and complex manner. Additionally their analysis was well supported and sophisticated. Score- 9
ReplyDeleteO- The author clearly has a grasp on the poem, and demonstrates complex and in depth analysis. However it is a little bit disorganized, and it detracts from the overall effect of the essay as a whole. Score- 8
Essay L
ReplyDeleteScore: 4-
What I noticed right off the bat from this essay was that is lacked in text evidence and the thesis was very weak in terms of addressing the prompt. It seems like this response was quite rushed due to the fact that this person didn't understand the whole text and really didn't grasp what it was trying to say. I think if this person were tor re read the text a few times or even just once more they would get a better understanding and be able to apply that to what they were trying to say.
Essay O
Score: 7/8-
I think this person did a really nice job of addressing the entire text and showing that they had a strong understanding of the text. They did a good job pulling specific details from the text which supports the prompt and shows the reader that they know what they are talking about. Lastly I think this essay is set up well and the details and quotes are well organized and it makes for a successful essay.
For all of the essays, I will attribute (to an extent) the general lack of more completely thorough analysis I will attribute to the time limit.
ReplyDeleteEssay S (9): In general, the essay was strong addressing two different methods the author uses and looking beyond superficial assumptions of oppression. In particular, the student notes the historical reference in the imagery. While it has some flaws, such as poor word choice despite generally strong vocabulary, it possesses enough depth and specificity to earn a high grade.
Essay L (3): The essay was very brief and thus lacked the material for a substantial response, even for a timed essay. Worse, the student does seems to choose "to debate the speaker's views rather than explain ways in which they are revealed" (rubric), trying to determine "her true feelings" (essay). All is not lost, for there is some reference to "imagery" of the poem. (I feel that the claim that the poem is "short and to the point" is a misreading given the consistent use of figurative language).
Essay C (5):
- addresses prompt, specifies imagery, etc.
- somewhat shorter than it should be with insufficient evidence
- some analysis too superficial in that it does not truly delve into the examples in an effective manner
Essay O (7):
- addresses prompt, specifies imagery, irony, etc.
- structure too simplistic despite effective reading... lots of device, "for example"
Essay L: I was not impressed by this analysis, the speech was to simplistic and it seemed that no deeper thinking was given. It had some imagery and tried to address the prompt but didn't do so in a convincing way. 2/3
ReplyDeleteEssay C: The author repeatedly states that the poet has a "complex conception" of a woman's world but does nothing to explain what this means. However it does has better word choice than L and is not as simplistic. 5
Essay L
ReplyDeleteGrade: 4
The essay lacked proper analysis and did not provide much evidence to support the thesis. It seems as though the author did not completely understand the poem and did not engage with the text in any way.
Essay S
Score: 8
This essay was extremely well written. The author was able to look beyond the basic structure of the poem to provide a complete and thought provoking analysis. They also did an excellent job supporting their thesis statement with evidence and wrote in a sophisticated way overall.
Essay L
ReplyDeleteGrade: 4
The essay lacked proper analysis and did not provide much evidence to support the thesis. It seems as though the author did not completely understand the poem and did not engage with the text in any way.
Essay S
Score: 8
This essay was extremely well written. The author was able to look beyond the basic structure of the poem to provide a complete and thought provoking analysis. They also did an excellent job supporting their thesis statement with evidence and wrote in a sophisticated way overall.
Essay S - Score 9: Overall well constructed and written. Almost overwhelming amount of analysis, with the facts and structure to back it. Well developed and explicit thesis. Depth is aided by complex word choice.
ReplyDeleteEssay C - Score 5: While this piece does address the prompt, the analysis was lacking in depth and true understanding. Strong wording is hindered by the abrupt, and painful lack of evidence of the piece.