Using the rubric attached to your essay on "Hawk Roosting" and "Golden Retrievals," explain the way you would score the sample essays distributed in class. Please provide a thorough rationale and score for at least TWO of the sample essays (A, B, and/or C).
A) The intro is very basic but straight to the point; we know what they’re going to be talking about which is good. I think this person had numerous good examples for “Hawk Roosting” and didn’t really leave anything out. They also integrated their quotes well. I thought the part about rhyming was unnecessary but it didn't hurt. Again, this person jumps right into what they’re talking about with the next poem. I think it’s good that they mentioned the structure of the poem and the short sentences, which replicate the thoughts of the dog. This person goes beyond point of view and mentions things such as onomatopoeia and alliteration which is helpful. They also talked about similarities and differences in the poems. I think this person would get an 8, as they cover almost everything but the language could've been a little more advanced and deeper analysis.
ReplyDeleteC) Right away I think this person has a good idea, but I’m not sure the golden retriever feels “oppressed” and “inferior” which makes me question how much this person understood the poem.When they say that placing the hawk high up coneys comfort and confidence by tapping into the hawks thoughts, I was confused. I do think the high up setting signifies power and confidence but the rest doesn’t make sense. This person doesn’t integrate quotes that well either. Like I said, I am not sure that the dog really feels oppressed, so I’m confused at what they're saying. I think this person could've done a much better job on analysis and integrating quotes. i also don’t think they had a complete understanding for the two poems, therefore I would give them a 5.
A) I think this essay was very successful in achieving the contrast between “Hawk Roosting” and “Golden Retrieval”. The student uses varied language and complex sentence structure throughout. I thought this essay included a lot of information, but wasn't exactly concise. The integrated quotes could have been more apt, as well as the analysis. At the same time, this student hit all the points concerning the break down of the poem. Their inclusion of the differing lengths of the poems, the structures, and most importantly the tones and figurative language. I would give this essay an 8 because it efficiently contrast and compares the two poems. My greatest suggestion would be to make the essay more concise. The last paragraph comparing the two is almost unnecessary and the points made there could've been included in the conclusion.
ReplyDeleteB) Essay B did not do an efficient job of analyzing the poems and answering the prompt clearly. The intro is very elaborate and offers many details that are not relevant to the prompt: “whether friend or food, man has always had a place for animals”. When they mention the topics they are addressing, “diction, sentence structure, and imagery”, they are not specific to how those techniques are revealed in the poems. Organizing the essay by technique is always a risk because it can easily create confusion for readers. This structure of the essay also did not allow the student to add as many specific details from the text. Overall I would give this essay a 4. The essay is not fluid enough, and does not provide enough examples for the student to come to a conclusion that answers the prompt.
A - (8) I think that this essay was quite good. I think their thesis could have been a little stronger and lacked a bit of information that could have made this essay a 9, but overall it was strong and very to the point. Something that they did very well was integrate quotes. I think the way they easily weaved into the essay was very good, and helped the essay a lot. This essay was also very successful because they noticed exactly what the prompt was addressing which was the tone of the two poems and the overall structure of the two poems. Each contrast dramatically and they pointed that out which made it successful because they understood it. I think overall this essay was very well written. Lastly I gave it an 8 instead of a 9 because I think the analysis could have been a bit stronger but in terms of what the prompt was asking, they did a very good job.
ReplyDeleteB - (5) Compared to the first essay, this one lacked a few of the key pieces to make this a successful essay. I think their overall downfall was that they didn't seem to understand the poem too well. It almost seemed like they made up stuff to be able to make an essay out of it, which didn't make too much sense. I also think compared to the other essay that this person didn't integrate quotes as well. They seemed to be just thrown in there with no analysis which doesn't make for a successful essay. Overall I think this person would have benefited from reading this poem over again to try to understand it better. If they would have done this then they might of been able to set up a more successful essay.
A - I think a strength of this essay is that it has a proper thesis which it supports in the body paragraphs, however, I do think it lacks in style and verb choice. Ultimately, I'll give this essay a 7-8 because the analysis backing up the thesis is pretty sound. I think this person could have planned this essay a bit better before writing it-- it kind of seems like they are figuring out how they want to analyze the quotes they placed in as they go along. Still, the essay does stay on task, and we only have 40 minutes to write these things so I'd say it's pretty successful.
ReplyDeleteB - I think this essay could also benefit from more thought on organization and analysis before the author actually started writing. The author kind of meanders through their explanations. I don't think they really thought about either of the essays too deeply before starting, and as a consequence, the analysis is not all that deep either. I'll give this essay a 5-6.
B- This essay lacks thorough analysis although it shows a basic understanding of the poems. I do believe that the writer understood the poems and the literary devices. However, the writer fails to properly analyze the quotes or connect the poems to anything greater. It lacks a "so what" and merely describes the poets' characterizations of the animals rather than connecting them to humanity. The essay seems rushed and it suffers from poor and incomplete organization. I think it has potential but lacks the comprehensive qualities and analysis of a good essay. I would give it a 5+/6- because the introduction and overall understanding of the poems merit a grade higher than a 5, but the lack of analysis limits its potential.
ReplyDeleteC- This essay starts out on a confusing note as the writer describes the dog as feeling "oppressed and inferior to man and the world". I did not interpret this when I read the poem and it immediately made me question the writer's understanding of the poems and the prompt. In addition, the writer does not regularly address the literary devices that are used in the poems. It seems to be an essay about the animals' views of the world and the literary devices seem to be incorporated as afterthoughts. This would be more acceptable if the analysis of the animals' views of the world were more comprehensive and accurate and if quotes were well integrated to prove the points. Sadly, the quotes also seemed to be afterthoughts and I would give this essay a 4.
A. I think that this essay could've had a stronger intro and thesis. There really was no specific thesis at all. However, this person used specific examples and had very thorough analysis. One of the examples I found interesting (which I hadn't noticed) was about the number of stanzas in each poem. I think that this point made a lot of sense in the essay and emphasized something that may have gone unnoticed. This essay had a good analysis of the second poem as well. This person did a good job contrasting the poems directly. The conclusion was also short, but it did a good job of finishing the essay. I think this essay was very well written and included great analysis, so I would give this person an 8.
ReplyDeleteC. This essay had a more specific thesis than A, but it was still lacking in specific devices. I didn't like how the quotes were placed, especially in the first paragraph. They didn't flow with the analysis at all. This person didn't really relate either poem to the real world at all. He/she just focused on the animal's thoughts rather than a more worldly perspective. I agree with Montana about the point this person makes about the golden retriever feeling "oppressed". This really does not make sense, so I don't think this person truly understood the second poem. I also noticed that this person did not really describe specific devices used in the poem, which makes the essay seem a little disorganized. I would give this essay a 4/5 because it has some good analysis, but is still lacking some important aspects.
A: I thought that this essay was very good. The writer got to their point quickly and precisely which let the reader know exactly what they were aiming for. It seemed as though they analyzed line by line which was a very good technique because it gave a strong analysis and didn't leave anything out. Overall, the language used was sophisticated as well as the whole idea of the essay. It is a strong factor that the author noted the tones of the two poems because as far as what I realized from my interpretation of the poems, that is the key comparison to make when writing the essay. Score 8/9
ReplyDeleteB: This poem was alright, it had a basic understanding which is decent except it did lack a lot of key analysis that definitely decreased their score. It seemed as though some of the analysis was incorrect and failed to reach the higher "AP" level. The thesis was not strong which also had a negative effect on the whole essay as a whole. Even though there is a 40 minute time limit which is difficult, the insight into the poems was not strong and was a little disorganized thus hurting the score. Overall it was an okay poem. Score 5/6
B. The introduction doesn't zone in on any sort of thesis. the writer mentions his/her points without really having a so what. The body paragraphs are very general with little analysis. However, despite all that the writer does make a couple of key points and has a general direction. There is direct evidence from the text, although I feel like there should be more. And, some thoughts were not fully developed. 5
ReplyDeleteC. Short basic introduction but is to the point. The body paragraphs are also short but to the point. He/she uses evidence from the text but the analysis seems to be inaccurate. The writer's interpretation of the animals's perspectives are not one dimensional and, as mentioned earlier, they definitely do not feel oppressed. There is a whole lot more going on in the text that the writer did not notice. I would give the writer a 4 because even though it was well written, he/she didn't understand the poems. 4
A. I thought this essay was good, but not great. The intro was definitely lacking and the thesis was not a great explanation of the rest of the essay. I think the thesis would have been better if the writer said "the poets characterize the speakers in their poems as ____ and _____ through the animals' points of view". Though the beginning was incompetent, the rest of the essay was well written. The language was sophisticated and the writer did a good job of integrating quotes. The analysis of the two poems is also fairly well done. However, I thought it was strange that the writer went a far bit more in depth of the hawk poem than the dog poem. Overall, I would give this essay and 7 or 8.
ReplyDeleteC. Though this essay seems to have an argument that the writer sticks with throughout it, I just thought the writer's interpretation of the Golden Retrievals poem was completely off. I don't think the poet was trying to show that the retriever feels "oppressed and inferior to man and the world". In addition, I didn't like how the quotes were placed in the essay. I think it kept the essay from having a natural flow. I would give this essay a 4.
A) This essay was very successful. I would give it an 8. The student gives many great examples of their
ReplyDeleteA) This essay was very successful. I would give it an 8. The student gives many great examples of their ideas, and backs up the examples with great quotes. The introduction was short and didn’t specifically state the thesis. I liked how the student talked about the organization of the poems, not just the themes and meaning. I think that this was a very long essay, and it could have been shortened quite a bit, leaving out some of the examples. Overall, this is a very effective essay. However, it needs a more specific thesis in the introduction to explain to the reader what the comparison between the poems they are making is.
ReplyDeleteC) The introduction to this essay is short, but it does state a thesis unlike in essay A. The student integrates the quotes well, and while there are not many, the quotes the student does use flow well. The analysis of the poems, however, are not that in depth or accurate. The student doesn’t mention the animals view on the world, but just how they act and feel about their own life. I would give this essay a 6.
B- This essay is stuck at the surface, displaying a basic level of understanding throughout the piece. As others have said, there where decent points made, but there was no elaboration on the points. There was no "so what" reasoning behind their choices. I liked the intro, and it is clear that they know generally what they are talking about, but I think the thesis needs some revision and overall there needs to be a clearer "so what" to further improve the score.
ReplyDelete5
C- This one had a much better flow to it, and transitions were easier, however the length is unacceptable. Typically the length of a response correlates with the score (longer analysis, higher score). The author is a good writer and put effort into analyzing, but the point was off unfortunately. I feel like if the author knew what was going on in the poem, they would have been a lot more successful.
4
A- (8) this essay seemed very well written to me. It’s organization was very pleasant and had a really strong thesis with body paragraphs that supported it clearly. I think that the analysis in each paragraph is really well written and that the language used is really strong. Overall a pretty successful paper.
ReplyDeleteC- (5) this essay was pretty confusing to read because the organization was all over the place. the writer focuses on the dog feeling inferior which is not the impression that I got from the poem when I read it so the accuracy of the writing is questionable. There is not a lot of analysis and even when there is it seems to be pretty invalid. If this person had a correct idea of what the poems were about then it would have been a better paper.
C- I think this essay did a good job of attempting to interpret each animal’s different view of the world. However, that seemed to be about all it did. Their understanding of the poem seemed oversimplified, if not misunderstood. Though the author of this poem did use quotes, they lack examples of specific techniques used. This essay definitely is more analysis than summary, but still needs to incorporate the other aspects of the prompt. (4+)
ReplyDeleteB- In comparison to C, this poem definitely addresses the techniques more. For that, along with other things of course, I think this essay would receive a higher score. Still, this author lacked the analysis than the author of C. They seem to mention the animal’s perception in the conclusion but do not do a good enough job in the previous paragraphs. The understanding seems coherent enough, the essay just needs better organization. (6-)
A-8
ReplyDeleteI thought this essay was good from the beginning with a thoughtful thesis that would be proven through the whole essay that used the entire text, valid examples and deep analysis. I also thought that this author did not miss anything and all of the analysis connected back to his or her thesis and was thoughtful. Really it was just easy and fluid to read and made total sense at the end.
B- 6
There was a sort of depth lacking in this essay. Wether it be from the analysis in the essay or what analysis is missing there is always some depth and understanding that doesn't seem to be there. Also, the analysis is not adequately supported. However, there is analysis there and enough evidence to suggest that the author had some level of understanding of the themes of the poem.
B-5
ReplyDeleteThis person has a very surface level idea about what was going on in this poem. They made a few solid points about the poems, but they were basic. This person could have used a better selection of quotes and needed to dig into them a little more.
C-4
The introduction is short and straight to the point. The thesis displays a solid understanding of the overall themes of the poems, but it is a surface level understanding and does not specifically state what devices each poet utilized. This person sounds very repetitive and seems to have a hard time building an argument. He or she also had a lack of quotes to back up the overall argument.
A: 8
ReplyDeleteThis essay was solid and used a myriad of points to illustrate its essential premise of the animals' different attitudes. Both poems have the majority covered from the start to the end. Finally, the organization of the essay is also effective with one paragraph for each semi-individually (contrasting) and one comparing the two. However, its introduction and thesis could be more helpful, and the language is not particularly compelling (although h it is concise and effective), so it falls short of the top grade (though reasonably I could see it being that given AP standards).
B: 6
The essay is reasonably effective. It characterizes the animals and provides specific literary evidence. However, the way it does so illustrates no specific depth, seeming to me to rely on terminology to achieve its point. Additionally, he amount of detail simply does not compare to an essay like A. Despite these faults, the analysis is enough for an upper half grade.
A: 8+
ReplyDeleteI found this essay to be very well executed. My biggest qualm was the lack of an intro paragraph, however the writer compensates for this with comprehensive analysis and solid evidence. I think that this student had a fine grasp of both poems and understood the prompt well. The essay is well organized as well, making it highly effective. Overall, I cannot see how this essay could have been much better, given the short amount of time allotted to students to write it.
C:4
I do not think this individual had the best grasp on the overall concept of the second poem. They state in their thesis that the "golden retriever seems to feel oppressed and inferior to man", which is not what Doty intended to convey in his poem. If anything, the dog feels quite the opposite of oppressed, given its care free demeanor, while its human owner is bogged by a fog of mindless thoughts. The writer had very poor analysis in the second body paragraph, drawing conclusions that are not supported by the provided text. The essay is also not structured effectively.
Essay A: This was a piece that the author planned thoroughly, and had a clear, articulate train of thought. While the absence of an introductory paragraph may throw some for a loop, It was highly organized, with a firm understanding of the prompt, and possessed points that were both relevant and had substantial analysis to back them up. Final grade: 9
ReplyDeleteEssay C: This essay, while not a disaster, is far from satisfactory or acceptable. The severe misinterpretation of the theme in Doty's poem derails the work significantly. Analysis was lacking, and what little there was largely superficial. While quotes are not necessary, the lack of specific points weakens the essay. General structure could be improved. Final grade: 4
Essay A: Well written. Author demonstrated good knowledge of the work and had well organized thoughts and points. They did a good job of incorporating textual evidence. Thesis was good but could have been better. 8
ReplyDeleteEssay C: This essay only went surface level and did not really delve deeper into the poems. I thought it had a general understanding of the works but not an in depth one. Thesis was weak, organization not great, spelling and grammar was okay. 5.
Essay A: 6
ReplyDeleteIt was clear that this was the strongest of the three essays that were selected. That being said though, I wouldn't say that this was a particularly strong essay. Although this essay did an adequate job of comparing and contrasting the arrogant hawk and the fickle dog in the two poems, where this essay really fell short was in the details. The students analysis of the Doty poem was particularly lacking and less precise when compared to that of the Hughes poem. For example, the student described Doty’s use of onomatopoeia and alliteration to highlight the dogs behavior. Although this is a valid point about the behavior of the dog, the student fails to take the next step in analyzing what message this sends to the reader. If this student had spend more time on analysis, he or she would have been much more successful.
Essay C: 3
It was clear that this was the weakest of the three essays that were selected. It is clear after reading this essay that the student really lacked an understanding of the two pieces. The fist description of the Hughes poem is incredibly oversimplified and really lacks much analysis of the piece. The “analysis” of the hawk is really composed of several statements, such as “The hawk seems to think it is advantaged and superior,” but it really lacks supporting details. The second description of the Doty poem shows a real misunderstanding. The student describes the dog as feeling “oppressed and inferior,” when there is no evidence of this in the poem. This student seemed lost by the two poems and probably should have spent more time thoughtfully reading each piece.
A - (8) I found this essay to be well written. Beginning with a coherent and developed thesis, it was supported adequately with fluent and organized thoughts that displayed not only a good understanding but advanced writing style and technique.
ReplyDeleteC- (5) This essay was not as easy to follow. I am not sure the author’s understanding of the poem was completely accurate which led to a scattered, disorganized essay. Because of this lack of understanding there were a multitude of faults in the paper including poor analysis, unimpressive word choice, and false statements.
A- (7) This essay was executed well. I felt as though it was properly planned out in the time the student was allotted to write it. What I did't necessarily think was well done was the language. I felt as though they could've done something more and that there was a bit of an absence of understanding. It was obvious that out of the two essays this was the more developed and stronger one. With a little bit more evidence I feel as though this essay could've easily scored much higher in my book.
ReplyDeleteC- (4+) Although this essay wasn't terrible it was lacking evidence and development. After reading the first essay it was challenging to see the good that this essay held. I was unsure if they really understood the texts to deeper level. If they had used more direct quotes from the pieces I feel as though their score would've increased but they would also have to dig a bit deeper into the text.
This time around many of you overestimated the grades. Please review the last page for scores and the grader's rationale. http://apcentral.collegeboard.com/apc/public/repository/ap08_english_lit_form_b_q1.pdf
ReplyDeleteA- 6
ReplyDeleteI thought this essay had a strong thesis, which proves that they understood the text and took the time to plan what they were going to write about. Out of the two essay s, I felt that this one was well developed and clearly organized, but still lacked a bit of evidence.
B- 5-
Compared to A, this essay lacked an in-depth analysis of the text. The claims being made were also no all properly supported. On the other hand, there was some analysis and understanding of the text present, proving that the author understood the basics of the text and just needed to dig a little deeper.
A- 6
ReplyDeleteI thought this essay had a strong thesis, which proves that they understood the text and took the time to plan what they were going to write about. Out of the two essay s, I felt that this one was well developed and clearly organized, but still lacked a bit of evidence.
B- 5-
Compared to A, this essay lacked an in-depth analysis of the text. The claims being made were also no all properly supported. On the other hand, there was some analysis and understanding of the text present, proving that the author understood the basics of the text and just needed to dig a little deeper.
A: 7+
ReplyDeleteThis essay seems to understand the essence of the Hawk poem and interprets it correctly. However, there are several instances of the student branching into generalization without backing up analysis with textual evidence. The student does a good job of explaining the syntax, rhyme, and diction of the poem, but could use the names of the literary devices more as well as include other devices in the poem. The student could also use more precise vocabulary when analyzing. The second poem is also interpreted and understood correctly by the student, and the student does delve into some more rhetorical devices. But again, the student lapses into generalization. Overall, if the student worked on using the text and including more specific devices which are used in the poem, this essay would be much improved.
B: 5
This student could also benefit from varying the vocabulary he or she uses and including more of the devices used in both the poems. The student should focus on wording points more concisely in order to address everything in the poems. However, the essay is quite short and does not even attempt to address the multiple topics or devices present within the two poems, only mentioning and analyzing diction. However, the student does seem to understand the gist and meaning of the poems. Overall, I would give this student a 5 since he or she seems to be on the right track but needs to address the whole text and improve on writing in a more concise and varied manner.
A - (7) The author has a good voice, very well written. You could tell the writing technique was very advanced and the thesis was very well developed. It was easy to follow as the author was able to explain his stance easily.
ReplyDeleteC- (4) This essay was very disorganized, and after reading the one prior, it was quite disappointing. The lack of understanding was apparent in their undeveloped analysis and poor word choice.
A: 8
ReplyDeleteI think one thing that we tend to forget is that people are rewarded for what they do well. I thought there was a thorough and solid analysis of both poems and how they compare to each other. Just more analysis would make this essay a 9
B: 5
This is a very basic analysis of both poems, and the author should have tackled more when it comes to these two rich poems. Quotes are also not integrated well, like the author did not actually understand what he was writing about
A: 8
ReplyDeleteI think one thing that we tend to forget is that people are rewarded for what they do well. I thought there was a thorough and solid analysis of both poems and how they compare to each other. Just more analysis would make this essay a 9
B: 5
This is a very basic analysis of both poems, and the author should have tackled more when it comes to these two rich poems. Quotes are also not integrated well, like the author did not actually understand what he was writing about
A:7 The author developed a complex analysis of the poems. However I felt that the organization could have been better. I felt that it was a bit scattered and organization can really make a difference between scores 7 and 9
ReplyDeleteB: 5 The ideas were there. However it was presented in a less complex way than the first essay. The simple syntax and diction detracted a bit from the overall effect of the essay. However this was a good start.